Spiraling
by kataphoric
Summary: Bella never went to the meadow in New Moon because the memories were too painful. Instead, she searches for various ways to cope. The choices she makes culminate into one horrible night. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: The characters in this work of fan fiction were created and are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I do not claim any ownership over them or the world of Twilight.**_

 **WARNING: THIS STORY MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS. This story begins with alcohol dependency themes. I will provide warnings at the beginning of later chapters should I write about different triggering issues. Please PM me for more information.**

 **Summary:** **Bella never went to the meadow in New Moon because the memories were too painful. Instead, she searches for various ways to cope. The choices she makes culminate into one horrible night. Rated M for later chapters. Eventual Edward x Bella.**

 **AN: This is my first fanfiction, so please let me know if you have any suggestions/recommendations. This story is something I've been sitting on for a while and I've been really torn about whether to post it at all. I have a few more chapters already written and will keep writing more if people actually like it - so let me know in the reviews if you want me to keep going! Essentially, Bella kind of annoyed me in New Moon and I finally was able to figure out why - I feel like if Bella were truly in the pain that SM described, she would have spiraled (hence the name of the story... I know, creative right?...) if it weren't for Jacob. But then Jacob gets all "wolfey" and there's a window where I thought Bella's story could have taken a different path. So this is kind of like a whole "turn left instead of right" scenario. Also, in later chapters there are going to be some mature themes (although drinking alcohol is arguably a mature theme?). I will put disclaimers before any chapter that could contain potential triggers.**

 **AN (x2): The part of the text separated by "~~~" are direct passages from New Moon. The passages between "~~~" are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer.**

 **AN (x3): For those of you who haven't read the series in a while - my story starts out right before Bella goes looking for the meadow without Jacob. Charlie is going fishing but worried about leaving her home alone. She lies and says she's going over to Jessica's house.**

 **Okay... rambling done. I hope you enjoy what I've written!**

* * *

 **BPOV** :

~~~ I was glad that Charlie was in a hurry. He didn't wait for me to call Jessica, so I didn't have to put on that charade. I went through the motions of gathering my schoolbooks on the kitchen table to pack them in my bag; that was probably too much, and if he hadn't been eager to hit the holes, it might have made him suspicious.

I was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty day ahead didn't really crash down on me until after I'd watched him drive away. It only took about two minutes of staring at the silent kitchen phone to decide that I needed something to do today. I considered my options.

I wasn't going to call Jessica. As far as I could tell, Jessica had crossed over to the dark side.

I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle—an appealing thought but for one minor problem: who was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward?

Or...I already had our map and compass in the truck. I was pretty sure I understood the process well enough by now that I wouldn't get lost. Maybe I could eliminate two lines today, putting us ahead of schedule for whenever Jacob decided to honor me with his presence again. I refused to think about how long that might be. Or if it was going to be never. ~~~

This was a tempting option, but as I sat mulling it over, I started thinking about the meadow… and him. His smile flashed across my mind and before I knew it, I was hunched over in a ball on the kitchen floor, trying to catch my breath.

I don't know how long I sat there. My body was shaking, cold from the long contact with the hard linoleum. After what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes, I mustered up the strength to grab the fridge door to help pull me from the ground.

This was a mistake. No sooner had I grabbed the handle on the fridge than the door was swinging open causing me to lose my grip and slam my head hard on the floor. Rubbing the sore spot on the back of my head, I got up to close the fridge door. Right before I shut it, I noticed Charlie's beers stacked neatly on the bottom shelf. I stared, considering.

I knew Charlie wouldn't be home for a while. But the responsible voice in my head kept scolding the wayward idea that was now weaving through my mind.

"You really shouldn't. It's so irresponsible and won't solve anything," she admonished.

Still, I stared.

"Think of how angry Charlie will be when he gets home and his beer is missing."

"But… Charlie doesn't keep track of his beers because I'm always overly responsible… And he has a bunch of open cases in the garage that I can use to restock before he gets home," said a small voice, growing in volume.

"You promised Edw… him," hissed the responsible part of my subconscious in retort.

That one little slip that sent a shock through my ribcage was all I needed to make up my mind. I grabbed a beer, shut the door, and went up to my room.

I sat on my bed and snapped open the cold can. I could only remember trying beer once, at a much younger age on one of those rare occasions when I was visiting my dad here in Forks. I had asked him if the beer he was drinking was any good.

"It's an acquired taste," he had grumbled, still staring at the TV, watching whatever game was roaring in the background. "Wanna try a sip?"

He held it out to me, eyes still glued to the TV screen. I tentatively reached forward, wrapped my hand around the can, and took a small sip. The cool liquid had barely reached my tongue before I gagged in disgust.

Chuckling, Charlie took the can back, "I guess I don't have to worry about you stealing my beers."

How wrong he was. Guiltily I took a sip of the can I was clutching. Bleh. It was still disgusting. But I had already opened it, and it felt like a complete waste of guilt to just dump it down the drain.

I held my breath and took a long gulp. It burned going down my throat, the fizzing stolen liquid marking its path to my stomach. I took another sip. And another. The can was halfway gone before I realized it actually wasn't that bad. Before long, I had gulped down the remaining dregs.

I didn't really feel any different. I sat on my bed for a while, hoping something would happen. I had heard about people feeling light and carefree after drinking, but I still felt empty and alone.

After a few more minutes of waiting to see if the beer would affect me, I resignedly got up figuring I should replace the can in the fridge before I forgot. I looked around for my shoes, spotted them peeking out from under my bed, grabbed them and the empty can, and made my way to the garage. Once I had smashed the can and placed it with the others in the recycling bin, I picked up one of the warm cans from an open box in the corner.

"Maybe I could have just one more," I thought. I grabbed a second can from the box and hurriedly rushed toward the kitchen. Taking another cold beer from the fridge, I stuffed the two warm beers in the place of their missing counterparts. Again, I ran up to my room, threw my shoes in my closet, and collapsed on my bed.

I cracked open the second can and took a quick gulp. Still… nothing. Halfway through, I really had to pee. I put the beer on my bedside table and went to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and noticed I was a little flushed... but maybe it was only my imagination. Walking back to my room, I guess I felt a little looser. But the emptiness was still there and the ever-present hole in my chest still burned around the edges.

Finishing the second beer, I glanced over at my clock. It was only 10:48am. It hadn't even been three hours since Charlie left. I tried to convince myself that I didn't feel any different, even though I was sure that feeling of looseness was somehow related to the two beers I had consumed.

"What's two more going to do, anyway? Not like I have any plans today or anyone to hang out with thanks to Jacob's determination to avoid me." I thought, recklessly.

Soon, I was sitting on my bed again with three cold beers on the table after convincing myself that if two more beers weren't going to do anything, three probably wouldn't either. There were now five warm beers in the fridge. I really hoped the weather stayed warm and Charlie didn't come back from fishing before the beers cooled a bit. Opening my third can, I thought maybe I should have put the warm cans at the back of the fridge, rather than the front.

Taking a few gulps, I decided I really didn't care if Charlie noticed. What's the worst he could do? Ground me? I had essentially grounded myself ever since…he… left. And now that I seemed to no longer have Jacob, grounding wouldn't exactly be punishment.

Halfway through the fourth beer, I needed to pee, again. "Why do people drink beer? I just feel full and I keep having to pee," I mumbled out loud.

I must have stood up too fast because I swayed a little on my feet and almost completely lost my balance. Hmm. Maybe alcohol wasn't the best idea for the hopelessly uncoordinated.

About to start my fifth beer, I decided to call Jacob and give him a piece of my mind. I went to the kitchen and quickly dialed his number.

"Black." Came a deep voice.

"Jacob?" I whispered, shocked he had actually picked up. I started to panic silently, whatever buzz I had seemed to be wearing off right when I needed it most for the courage.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice carried through, that slight bitter edge still clipping to his pronunciation of my name.

"Why haven't you called? I've beentryingto make Billy giveyou the phone. He keepsssaying you aren't in!" I shouted through my end of the receiver.

"Bella, I can't understand you when you're shouting and talking so fast. Look, I gotta go."

He had hung up before I could even manage a retort. Stupid Jacob. I slammed the phone back down and went back into the garage, my feet stinging slightly against the cold ground. I grabbed three more beers to replace the one's I was about to get from the fridge.

Once in my room, I was about to start on the fifth beer but was hit by a wave of nausea. I laid down on my bed but instantly regretted this decision as the room started to spin. Feeling the stomach acid rising in my mouth, I hurled myself off my bed. I quickly grabbed the nearby trashcan, and threw up the contents of my stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

**APOV** :

An image of Bella taking a beer from the fridge, followed closely by another of her hunched over a trashcan in her room came clearly into focus but was quickly gone.

The quick stab of pain for my friend must have alerted Jasper that I had just seen something.

"Is it Victoria?" he asked, after appearing quickly by my side. A look of great concern apparent in his eyes.

I didn't want to tell him because I knew it hurt him whenever I mentioned Bella. He still blamed himself for what happened at her birthday.

"Umm." I said, trying to block an image of Bella throwing up again and then tripping on her way to pick up another beer from her bedside table. "You've had enough!" I shouted. Frustration thick in my voice.

"What?" said Emmett and Carlisle, who had entered the room while I was preoccupied watching Bella open the… was that her fifth?!... beer.

"Bella is wasted." I huffed.

"Hah!" said Emmett. Completely missing the point, as usual.

"How bad is it?" asked Carlisle ignoring Emmett, as Emmett victoriously crossed his arms, guffawing.

"Emmett, stop," admonished Carlisle.

Emmett, looking at all of our faces, rolled his eyes and said, "she's just loosening up a bit. Maybe she's finally decided to have some fun and forget my worthless brother."

"No, Emmett," I said curtly. "She's trying to dull her pain. She's not doing this for fun. I should go see if she's okay." I said hurriedly, grabbing the nearest set of car keys off the nearby coffee table.

"Alice, I understand you want to go to her, but I'd really appreciate it if you explained her current inebriation to me before you go running off to Forks. By the time you got there, she may already have been injured. There's no sense speeding down there and breaking the promise we made to Edward," said Carlisle, always the voice of reason.

"Screw Edward!" I grumbled. But I sat down again, realizing he was right about not being able to reach Forks for at least a couple of hours. I wished we were closer to her than Alaska.

"I know we're all confused… and some of us angry… by his decision. But, it was his decision. And we all agreed we would honor it..." said Carlisle. But catching sight of my disturbed expression, he trailed off.

Another image flashed across my mind.

"Alice?" said Jasper, now at my side on the couch.

I shook my head, trying to return to the present. "She's going down to the garage to hide the evidence…" I rolled my eyes. "She's going to trip. Her knees will be badly bruised, and she'll cut her hand on a nail."

"Okay, I'll double-check her shot records to make sure she's up-to-date on her tetanus vaccination," said Carlisle, already running through a medical to-do list in his head. "I can't imagine Edward will be mad if he finds out about that since we're just helping her a bit medically," he continued, looking slightly worried. "What else, Alice? You said something about 'her having enough'? How much has she consumed? Can you see if she's eaten?"

"Umm." I tried to see Bella's day but since I'd been trying to block her out, courtesy of my idiotic brother's request, I wasn't really sure about the accuracy of my answers. "Well, it seems like she's had five beers."

"Niiiiice," murmured Emmett.

"Emmett, shut up!" I hollered, much louder than was necessary. "And I don't think she's eaten at all today." I looked up at Carlisle, who was deep in thought probably calculating Bella's BAC in his head.

"Well, from the information you previously gave me about her losing at least ten pounds, she's definitely in a danger zone," replied Carlisle. "Keep an eye on her for the rest of the day. If she has even one more beer, I'm calling a neighbor and hopefully they'll know what to do when they see her. If something severe happens, I'll call an ambulance myself."

"Should we tell Edward?" asked Jasper, who had been essentially silent and unmoving during this entire exchange.

"No, I don't think that's necessary" said Carlisle. "Let's just leave him be."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Here's another chapter! Sorry if the pace seems kind of slow - it's about to pick up, I promise. If you like the story, please leave a review so I know if I should keep uploading chapters/writing. Also, if you notice any spelling/grammar issues, please let me know so I can fix it. I don't have a beta so I'm doing the best I can on my own!**

* * *

 **BPOV** :

I must have passed out at some point after finishing the fifth beer and cleaning up the bloody mess that nail left on my hand. The smell of iron and rust had been almost unbearable in my already queasy state. The memory of it made my stomach churn. I tried to swallow to make the feeling pass but my mouth was too dry. I couldn't remember ever needing a glass of water more than right now.

"So, this must be what a hangover is like…" I murmured.

Just then, I heard Charlie's car pull into the driveway. Panicking, I looked over at the clock: it was already 4:18pm?!

I grabbed the two unopened beers from my bedside table and shoved them into a far corner of my closet, picked up a towel from the back of my chair, and hurried into the bathroom to try to wash off the smell of grime that came from sleeping most of the day.

While in the shower, there was a rap on the door. "Bells? It's me. I'm home."

"Yeah, hi dad." I replied. It always annoyed me when he announced himself like that. Who else would it be?

Once I was finished, I brushed my teeth and took two Tylenol from the medicine cabinet – hopefully they would help with my pounding headache.

I went to the top of the stairs and hollered down to Charlie, "I'm not feeling so great. Going to go to bed early."

"Not getting sick again, are you?" came his worried response.

"Hope not."

"Well get some sleep, kid." I guess Charlie's quick acceptance was the silver lining to recently recovering from the stomach flu. I heard the TV switch on and knew he'd leave me alone the rest of the night.

Once in my room I considered my earlier decisions. Well, just one decision. The decision to drink Charlie's beers. Really, it was kind of nice being drunk…besides the falling on a nail and throwing up parts. But I've fallen even when completely sober, so that wasn't really any reason to stop doing something… And throwing up was probably associated with drinking five cans of a carbonated drink. Maybe I'll try it again, just not with beer.

* * *

The next morning I was woken up by the sound of the front door closing and Charlie's car starting up. It was still dark outside – it couldn't be any later than 6:00am. Glancing at my clock confirmed this – 5:49am. Charlie must have been called into the station.

My hand was sore, and the bandage I had wrapped it in after my shower needed to be changed. The pulsing pain from the healing cut fortunately helped distract me somewhat from the throbbing in my chest that had started with renewed vigor last night.

"I'm probably being punished for trying to numb myself with alcohol," I thought, morosely.

I tried to go back to sleep but the aching in my hand coupled with the force of the hole in my chest made sleep impossible.

I tripped going into the bathroom, and when I instinctively reached out to catch myself, I landed directly on my injured palm. The impact almost brought tears to my eyes. Almost. I didn't cry much anymore. It was easier just to be numb and try to completely ignore all emotion.

The physical pain, however, cleared my head for a moment. It was the same clarity as the day I fell off the motorcycle when Jacob was still speaking to me. I wondered briefly if physical pain was a solution to the aching in my chest just like adrenaline, danger, and stupidity seemed to be the perfect formula to hear my hallucinations.

I went downstairs and, sure enough, there was a note waiting for me on the counter.

 _Morning Bells – Got called into the station. It seems like it's going to be a long day here. Dr. Gerandy called last night. You were already asleep or I would have woken you up. Said your shots weren't "up-to-date?" Anyway, call me if you need anything. – Dad._

Dr. Gerandy occasionally checked in ever since examining me when I… got lost in the forest. Thinking about that day made the edges of the hole in my chest tremble threateningly. Sensing a meltdown coming on, I quickly suppressed the memory and decided to deal with making an appointment later. It was probably a bad sign that Dr. Gerandy was checking in on me on a Saturday night. It was likely Charlie had called him again. I'd have to try harder around him.

But right now, Charlie's worries didn't matter because I was about to spend another day alone with my thoughts… There had to be something I could do today that would make the day bearable.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any homework to do since I had been trying to use that as a way to get my mind off of everything. If I was being honest, it really hadn't worked.

I had already decided not to drink any more beer, even though I still had two full cans in my closet.

I started looking through the cabinets, convincing myself that I was looking for breakfast. I wasn't hungry. I didn't really eat much anymore. The hole in my chest seemed to consume all other feelings, particularly the desire to eat.

Standing on the counter to open the highest shelf in the corner of the kitchen, I found what I was subconsciously looking for: an entire cabinet of various alcohols that Charlie used when the infrequent visitor came over who didn't like beer. It had all probably been there for years since the only people who visited came to watch a game and always seemed fine with beer.

I was sure that Renée used to keep it stocked solely because she abhorred the taste of beer. "Abhor" wasn't even strong enough to explain how much she hated the stuff.

Charlie probably kept it stocked for the same reason he kept the bright yellow paint on the cabinets. There were so many little reminders of Renée around this house; sometimes it made me uncomfortable knowing he never really got over her. But today I realized it was another similarity Charlie and I shared: a complete inability to move on.

I looked through the cabinet and found a relatively full bottle of Grey Goose. Hoping it wasn't too expensive, I carefully moved around the other bottles and put my prize on the counter before getting down.

I grabbed two reusable water bottles from another cabinet and unscrewed the top of the vodka. It smelled absolutely disgusting. It reminded me of nail polish remover. Trying to hold my breath, I filled both water bottles, completely draining the contents of the Grey Goose bottle. I was about to refill the bottle with water until I realized Charlie would immediately know the contents had been replaced with water the next time he made a drink. Instead, I went up to my room and shoved it in the back of my closet with the beers. I'd deal with disposing it all later.

Once I was back in the kitchen, I picked up the bottle to try a sip.

"Bella, why are you doing this?" came a familiar velvet voice.

I jumped and almost knocked over the water bottle. My subconscious seemed to have stepped up her game: since reasoning with me yesterday hadn't worked, now I was getting the full force of his voice.

Stubbornly, I picked the bottle back up.

"This is stupid, Bella. You were raised better than this," snarled the voice again.

Too late. I had already taken a large gulp.

"Ughhh," this tasted way worse than it smelled – if that were even possible – and tasted way worse than the beer. There had to be something that would help in the fridge. Thankfully, I found some orange juice. I filled a glass with the juice and topped it off with vodka. Hesitantly lifting the glass to my lips to take a sip, my subconscious surprised me again.

"Put it down," his voice rang in my head.

I ignored him and held my breath. Swallowing a large mouthful, I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't that bad.

I sat down at the kitchen table and finished the glass. My subconscious, unfortunately, seemed to have given up trying to persuade me to stop drinking.

The rest of the day wasn't too bad. Taking sips of my orange juice concoction throughout the day really helped with the whole breathing problem. I was even able to watch TV for a bit, though I didn't pay much attention.

I decided to take advantage of Charlie's absence and grab another bottle of something from the cabinet. I could stow it in my room just in case I wanted it later.

I ended up choosing a bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila and Bacardi rum. I really hoped Charlie didn't suddenly decide to make a drink instead of sticking with his usual beer.

As I was stashing everything in my closet – I really needed to find a better hiding place – I heard a car pulling up in the driveway. I quickly ran into the bathroom to brush my teeth before starting dinner.

* * *

That next week at school was almost enjoyable. The orange juice mixture nestled in my backpack sloshed around as I walked between classes. It gave me the strength to deal with the monotony of school and the constant reminders of him everywhere.


	4. Chapter 4

**APOV** :

"Carlisle?" I asked, pointlessly announcing my presence. I knew he easily could have heard me downstairs telling Esme I was going to his office to speak with him.

"One moment, Alice," he responded, typing out a few more notes on his computer.

I waited patiently, trying to figure out the best way to argue with him, since I already knew what his answer was going to be.

"How can I help you?" he asked, smiling up at me.

"I know you called Dr. Gerandy about Bella. But it didn't help. She never went to get those shots."

"There's not much more I can do, Alice," Carlisle responded.

"Well, that's actually why I wanted to talk to you…" I trailed off as another image of Bella flashed across my mind.

"Yes?" said Carlisle, not impatiently.

"Well, I keep getting these flashes of her – I'm really worried. She's been drinking at school and I can see it's just going to get worse…"

"Alice, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," interrupted Carlisle before I could ask him about going to Forks to check on her. "I really think you need to try to block out her future entirely. And before you argue with me…" he added quickly, recognizing the argumentative look that flashed across my face… "let me explain. Bella is a smart girl and she cares deeply for her mother and father. I truly believe she will not do anything that would cause her serious injury or jeopardize her relationship with her family. Edward asked us to leave her alone, and we need to honor that. He's moved on for us on countless occasions, without a word of protest."

"But Carlisle, just because I'm not looking doesn't mean I don't _see_ ," I echoed for what felt like the hundredth time since leaving Forks. This conversation was going even worse than my earlier vision had led me to believe.

"Look, I know you're worried about her. But if she's choosing to cope in this way, we must let her discover the consequences of her actions on her own. Edward assured us that she would move on and we have to give her that chance." His tone expressed that the topic was no longer up for discussion. I had lost.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I needed to let her get on with her life. Despite every sense screaming at me to do the opposite, I closed my eyes and started focusing on blocking Bella from my vision completely.

* * *

 **BPOV** :

It was Friday. I had made it through an entire week of school and had almost been able to breathe correctly for the first time since hanging out with Jacob.

When I pulled up to my house after school, Charlie's cruiser was already in the driveway.

"That's odd," I thought, trying to remember if he had mentioned anything about getting home early.

"Dad?" I called, closing the front door.

"In here," came his clipped response from the kitchen.

Charlie was sitting at the table with his face in his hands. In front of him laid two unopened beers, an empty vodka bottle, a half empty tequila bottle, and an almost empty rum bottle. Immediately, I knew he had been in my room.


	5. Chapter 5

**BPOV** :

 _It was blindingly bright. My eyelids were heavy. I tried, but couldn't open them._

 _There was a quiet creak. A door opening? I tried to remember where I was and a strange image crossed my mind: Jacob's livid face. I knew this held the answers I was seeking. It was a single lose thread in a knit sweater – if I could only grab it and pull, everything would unravel. But, like trying to remember a dream, the more I mentally grabbed at answers, the more they dissolved._

 _The light was fading. Blackness engulfed._

* * *

I think the only thing worse than an angry parent is a disappointed one. Charlie didn't even raise his voice.

"Bella, you need to talk to me. I'm trying to understand but it's getting more and more difficult. This isn't normal."

I didn't respond. What could I say?

"Bella, if you aren't going to talk to me, I'll have to send you to someone who's better equipped at handling this. You're leaving me no choice."

"I'm not leaving," I replied quietly.

"Then talk to me," he pleaded.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Dammit Bella, I want you to tell me what to do to help you. I get a call from Jessica's mom telling me Jessica told her you seemed drunk at school. I chewed her out. I told myself you would never do something so idiotic. I go home… Just to be sure, you know? I go into your room and the first place I look I find all this?" he said, gesturing wildly at the bottles in front of him. "I have half a mind to pull you out of school and force you to move back in with Renée."

"I'm not leaving," I repeated.

"I haven't told her," he said, ignoring me. "And you know I have to. I'm worried. We're worried! And, to be completely frank, I'm disappointed, Bella! As the chief, I can't have my own _underage_ daughter stealing alcohol. Give me your backpack," he said, noticing me adjust the position of the strap on my shoulder.

I paused, not wanting to hand it over.

"Dammit, Bells," he huffed, getting up and taking my backpack from me. I didn't resist.

He placed it on the kitchen table next to the bottles. He pulled out my water bottle, opened the lid, and sniffed the contents. His face turned bright red. He took a few deep breaths, dumped the contents down the sink, and sank back into one of the chairs.

"Go to your room," he managed to get out.

That was my cue. I grabbed my backpack, turned on my heel, and raced up the stairs. I was about to open my door when I heard Charlie's chair screak across the floor. I stopped, hand hovering on the doorknob.

It was silent downstairs for a few moments. But then I heard mumbling. I inched closer to the top of the stairs, careful not to trip.

"Phil sounds good," I heard Charlie grumble.

"Mhmm yeah, okay Renée. No. But, listen, we need to talk," he continued.

"She's drinking _at school_. I don't know what to do."

Silence.

"No, I'm not suggesting that."

More silence.

"Oh, I hadn't realized. Well, congratulations, I guess…"

A much longer pause this time.

"No no. It's fine. I'll handle it."

Silence.

"Yeah, sure, I'll keep you updated."

A quick pause.

"Sure, yeah, talk soon."

I heard the phone being put back on the hook. Knowing the conversation was over, I quietly made my way into my room.

* * *

 **AN: Sorry, short chapter today. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Just wanted to quickly thank the people who've left reviews/followed/favorited – I wouldn't continue writing/sharing chapters if it weren't for all of you.**

* * *

 **WARNING** **:** **PLEASE** **DO NOT READ** **the following** **IF** **you are** **TRIGGERED BY EATING DISORDERS** **.**

 **This story is** **NOT WORTH** **a relapse. Nothing (especially my fanfiction) is worth your health and well-being.**

 **Please go do anything else instead.**

 **If you want to know what happens in this chapter in a summary _sans_ triggers, please PM me – I don't mind at all.**

* * *

 **For those of you still with me, I hope you enjoy:**

* * *

I wish I could say that I cared about getting caught. I couldn't. The only thing I felt was slight regret for disappointing Charlie. I truly never meant to upset him. I didn't want my actions to injure his reputation and, by so doing, his career. I wish he'd stop worrying about me. It'd be so much easier.

I sat staring at the wall opposite my bed for a while, not really thinking about anything. Eventually, I got up to start working on this weekend's homework.

The rain hitting my window lulled my brain into a dull trance. I heard Charlie leave at one point. _Putt putt putt_. The rain was increasing in volume. I thought I heard someone cough at one point. I looked around irrationally… I knew I was alone, I was always alone.

"Bella, dinner," I jumped. I hadn't heard Charlie return. The pencil I was holding had left a long grey line across my math homework.

I picked up my eraser and began salvaging my work.

"Bella!" Charlie called again, a few moments later.

Not wanting to upset him any further today, I got up to join him in the kitchen.

On my way, I happened to glance into the living room and noticed a large box. Curious, I walked over to see what it was. On the front, in large letters was "Lockable Mini Fridge."

So, instead of giving up alcohol, his plan was to lock me out of it. I can't say I blamed him.

Once in the kitchen, it was apparent he was going to pretend like everything was fine. He had a smile displayed brightly on his face – it didn't quite meet his eyes.

Behind him on the counter was various hardware: a hammer, some nails, a metal strip, a metal hook, and a lock. Evidently, I was getting locked out of the liquor cabinet too.

On the kitchen table was what looked like takeout from the diner.

"What's all this?" I asked, nodding at the various containers and bags.

"I thought we should eat something, and I didn't want to bother you with cooking for a change."

"Ah," I replied, sitting across from him.

He was still smiling sheepishly at me.

"Heard from your mom?" he asked, jumping right to the real reason he had picked up a bunch of food.

"Should I have?"

"She said she was going to email you." His eyebrows pressed together in a brief display of confusion.

"Oh, I haven't checked."

"Well, she has some big news!"

When I didn't respond, he barreled on.

"You're going to be a big sister!" he excitedly blurted out. His tone, however, didn't match his expression. He seemed…disapproving?

"Wow," I said, not sure how to react.

"Renée told me on the phone earlier," he continued, mistaking my lack of enthusiasm for some other emotion. Jealousy? "…sooo," he continued, "I thought we should celebrate. I even bought a small cake."

He was trying so hard that I felt bad not, at least, giving him the emotion he expected. I think he was looking for joy… I mustered up as much energy as possible and I plastered a grin on my face. "What amazing news! I'll have to call her tomorrow when it's not so late and let her know how excited I am!" It all felt sickeningly fake, but he seemed satisfied.

"Well, help yourself!" he seemed content with my response, but I kept the grin on my face just in case he suspected otherwise. My face muscles started to ache. I refused to let the smile slip. I owed him that.

I grabbed a little bit of whatever was directly in front of me and settled in for a very long dinner.

Charlie talked a lot; he never used to talk so much. I wondered idly if he felt obligated to keep the conversation moving or if my presence nowadays just made him uncomfortable. I nodded whenever he paused for breath, hoping it didn't seem forced.

While he rambled on and on, I mulled over this new development. I _think_ I _was_ happy. I couldn't be sure though… It was such an alien emotion to me now.

I knew that I wanted Renée to be happy with Phil: it was the main reason I had exiled myself to Forks. And this was proof of that happiness, right?

I nodded quickly, then, because Charlie was staring at me expectantly. He looked satisfied and continued. I fell back into my evaluation.

I realized that whatever choices I made, she had a support system to fall back on. Was this feeling relief? I had become so accustomed to numbness that my brain was having a hard time processing and categorizing.

"Eat, Bella," Charlie snapped.

"What?"

"I said, you need to eat, Bella," he repeated.

"Oh right," I said, looking down at my plate. I had absentmindedly smashed what apparently had been lasagna and salad into unrecognizable lumps. Charlie was still staring at me so I lifted my fork to my lips, chewed, and swallowed.

"All of it," he insisted, not missing my grimace.

I put a few more scoops into my mouth and attempted not to flinch when I swallowed. Charlie, gratified, started talking again.

The last emotion I felt toward the news was much more familiar: dejection. I wondered briefly if Charlie felt the same. Renée was creating a new life, I had been left behind. She was pursuing her distractions, just like another before her.

This simple, seemingly innocent thought sent waves of nausea rolling through my abdomen. Having a full stomach made it so much worse. I felt the bile rising.

"Bella, dammit, I said eat!" Charlie repeated, forcefully.

I took a few deep breaths and forced myself to scrape up the remaining food on my plate. I somehow managed to swallow all of it without vomiting everywhere.

"Would you like a slice of cake?" Charlie asked, when I swallowed the last bit of lasagna.

"Maybe tomorrow?" I responded, feeling stomach acid layering my throat. "Night, dad. Thanks for dinner." I mumbled, pushing myself back from the table.

I quickly ran upstairs and turned on the shower. I had barely reached the toilet before my entire dinner came back up. Despite the disgusting taste of regurgitated lasagna, I felt a strange high. I let myself lie on the floor for a bit, letting the cool ground against my cheek stabilize my mind and stomach. I think I dozed off for a bit. My brain felt slow and white light smothered my vision. Had I been here before? A faint buzzing sound filled my ears. It was maddening. I reached to swat at it but my arms felt like lead. They wouldn't budge.

"Bella, are you almost finished?" I blinked rapidly, realizing I was still on the floor.

"Uh, just a few more minutes!" I called back. I showered hurriedly, hoping Charlie wouldn't wonder why I was taking so long.

The next day passed by in a blur. I called Renée like I said I would. The conversation was short.

"But, you're okay, right?" she asked towards the end of the conversation.

"Yeah, mom. Feeling more like myself every day!" Lying was easier over the phone.

"Oh, that's so good to hear! Listen, you'll have to visit soon! We're going to start planning a baby shower and choosing colors for the nursery! I think I even still have a bunch of your things in storage, so we can make a whole weekend of it!" she buzzed on for a little while longer and only hung up when Phil entered the room and captured her attention. "Phil needs me, honey, we're going shopping for the baby. Love you. I'll call Charlie soon so we can arrange a visit!"

"Love you too," I responded, but she had already hung up.

I warmed up leftovers for dinner when Charlie returned from the station – he didn't spend much time at home anymore. He insisted, once again, that I eat. He wouldn't let up until he was satisfied with the amount I had consumed. Again, I felt bile rising in my mouth. Again, I turned on the shower and purged the meal from my stomach. That same high greeted me.

I spent Sunday finishing homework. Charlie and I partook in the same dance during dinner. It seemed he had decided my problems were directly correlated to my lack of appetite and food consumption. He didn't understand that eating the amount he wanted me to eat made me feel worse. There wasn't enough room in my stomach – the hole in my chest would not share its territory.

Tonight, however, Charlie sidestepped me before I left the kitchen. He made an excuse to follow me upstairs, making a beeline for his room. I suspected he was listening; he was a cop, after all. I turned the shower on first, like the last two nights, and waited for Charlie to get bored and return to the kitchen. After a few moments, in more attempts at discretion, I filled the toilet bowl with toilet paper to silence the food hitting the water. I waited for my body to expel the food on its own, but when nothing happened I pushed my fingers repeatedly down my throat until my gag reflex kicked in. Contentedness, the dependable friend of this newfound high, welcomed me back into his awaiting arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I might be a little slow updating these next three weeks because I'll be studying for finals. Technically, I shouldn't be posting at all but procrastination is essentially my purpose in life… So, I apologize in advance for slower updates. For anyone else fast-approaching finals, good luck!**

 **WARNING** **:** **PLEASE** **DO NOT READ** **the following** **IF** **you are** **TRIGGERED BY EATING DISORDERS / SELF-HARM** **.**

* * *

 **BPOV** :

I went downstairs on Monday morning to find Charlie about to leave for the station.

Not sure what to say, I avoided eye contact and went into the kitchen. I had told myself I would try harder with him (after his strange behavior last night) so figured I should at least pretend to be interested in making breakfast. However, "trying harder" didn't quite translate into greetings and initiating conversations. If I had known he was about to leave, I would have just stayed upstairs longer to avoid wasting food.

To my surprise, Charlie followed me. I guess I really did have to go through the motions of breakfast. I could feel him staring at me while I clamored around, grabbing a bowl, spoon, cheerios, and milk.

"Morning, Bells," he finally said, still staring at me from the doorway.

"Uh... morning, dad."

"Listen, I have to go into the station early because of all these hiker disappearances."

Why did he suddenly feel the need to explain? Usually he just left and I assumed he was going to work.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," he said slowly when he realized I wasn't going to respond. He always wanted to talk lately, it was so exhausting. "Well, not something, exactly. Actually, someone... Jake."

Oh no.

Seeing the anxious look cross my face he quickly continued before I could protest, "I only mean that since he's been… well… acting strangely, you should try hanging out with some of your other friends. I don't want to see you falling back into that, er, mood that you were in before you and Jake started hanging out."

"Aren't you mad about Friday?" I asked, recklessly staring straight at him. I didn't care about getting grounded or yelled at – at least then I might feel something. Feeling anything was better than perpetual numbness.

"Well, that _was_ pretty stupid, Bells. But I'm willing to forgive and forget if you show me you're getting through the whole Edward break-up thing."

Major slip. He seemed to realize it a second too late. By some miracle, I managed to hold myself together while he awkwardly tried to backtrack.

"I only mean that I want to see that you aren't miserable. And if Jake isn't around… maybe spend some time with your friends from school?" he mumbled, his face bright red.

"Okay."

"Okay?" he asked, clearly thinking there was going to be an argument.

"Yeah, okay," I repeated, distracted by the throbbing in my chest.

"Well, okay then," he said, turning around and heading for the front door. "See you tonight, Bells," he called before shutting the door behind him.

I collapsed. I hated that the mere mention of… him… still affected me so much. I had found a way to cope: alcohol. But, that was no longer an option. Throwing up helped a bit but didn't work when I hadn't eaten… and consuming food was almost impossible when Charlie wasn't forcing me.

I tried breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. This helped slow my heartbeat infinitesimally, but not enough. I was still hyperventilating.

Having the love of your life, your entire world, tell you he didn't want you, didn't love you, preferred distractions, was soul-crushing. When he left, my heart broke and my soul died. I felt small, worthless, unloved, and unwanted.

And then my best friend and the closest person I had to a sister left without so much as a backward glance to say "goodbye." Edward may have broken my heart and killed my soul, but Alice destroyed my spirit and extinguished my hope.

I was nothing. There was nothing.

But I couldn't think like this. I couldn't go down this dark road. I had to be strong… for Renée. But Renée had a new family. She didn't need me to be strong. She didn't need me at all. Well, I had to be strong for Charlie. At least I had Charlie.

I moved out of my balled position to rest my face against the cool linoleum – the temperature of the floor always seemed to calm me – I guess I knew why. Like the other night in the bathroom, I must have fallen asleep. People were arguing in my dream:

"If you would just leave, I could tell you when." The voice that spoke was light and clear, like wind chimes. I recognized it, didn't I?

A deep husky growl responded, "I'm not going anywhere while you're here." I definitely knew that voice. Jacob wasn't usually this angry in my dreams.

"Wait did you see that? Did she move?" drawled a hushed voice.

 _Ring ring ring_. I jumped to my feet, disoriented. I wavered dangerously as the blood rushed to my brain. I caught myself on the counter before rushing to the shrieking phone.

"Cullen residence," I said into my end of the receiver.

"Ms. Swan?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Mr. Berty marked you 'absent' in English. Are you unwell?" said the voice on the other line.

I glanced at the clock on the microwave. Crap! I had missed my first class. Thinking quickly, I responded, "oh, I'm so sorry! I had some car trouble. I'm on my way in now."

"We'll see you soon, then."

* * *

My next class was Calculus… with Jess.

I hurried into class. When I sat down, Jess deliberately looked in the opposite direction.

I ignored her too.

By the end of class, she must've felt that the tension was too much to handle. She turned to me as soon as Mr. Varner dismissed us: "You know, I had to tell my mom."

"Okay." I think this was turning out to be my new favorite word. It was so much easier agreeing than mustering the energy required for an argument

"You don't have to be such a bitch about it," she snapped.

"Am I?" I asked, knowing this probably would egg her on even more, but not really caring.

"You're just so dramatic. Look, why don't you leave me alone until you figure your life out," she yelled and stormed out of the room.

And she thought I was dramatic?

Lunch was going to be even more uncomfortable than usual… When I started hanging out with Jacob I had gone back to my usual table. But when Jacob started acting strangely, I had unintentionally become a recluse again. If I was going to appease Charlie, I had to try to find a friend to hang out with this week. This definitely wasn't going to be easy.

I was wrong. No sooner had I sat down for lunch than Mike started talking to me. I tried to pay attention but didn't really process what he was saying until he solved my 'Charlie problem' for me.

"Heard you got into some serious trouble," he mocked. "Didn't know you had it in you."

"What?" I asked, looking up.

"You were drinking at school? Why didn't you share?" he chortled.

"Oh… that."

"Well, when I heard, I thought maybe you'd be interested in going out Friday night?"

Was he seriously asking me on _another_ date? "Er, Friday," I repeated, stalling for time.

"Yeah! My parents are going out of town so I'm throwing a party! A ton of people are coming!"

Hopefully this was exactly what would get Charlie off my back. "Umm, yeah that actually sounds fun," I lied. "What time?"

Mike looked shocked that I had actually agreed and immediately launched into details. Thankfully, his enthusiasm allowed me to zone out the rest of lunch.

* * *

I had hoped that the rest of the day would be uneventful - I wasn't sure I could handle much more social interaction.

When PE started, however, I knew the beginning of the day had been easy compared to what was about to transpire.

Coach Clapp, who was our PE teacher again this year, could barely contain her excitement. Apparently, we were moving on to a new form of torture.

"We're starting dance today! I know we usually watch a movie on the first day that discusses different forms and rules, but I thought we'd have a fun 'free-for-all' class."

'Fun' was not the word I'd use...

"I'm going to play a song, and all you need to do is dance to the beat!" She looked around excitedly. Most of my classmates looked annoyed, some rolling their eyes. A few girls were giggling about dancing in front of their crushes. A group of boys started hitting each other, joking about seeing each other dance. Coach Clapp, completely oblivious to the altered moods, walked over to an old CD player and slammed her pointer finger down on the 'play' button.

Piano notes filled the room. It was Clair de Lune. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I dug my fingers into my arms, using pain to stay conscious. I knew I was drawing blood; I could smell it. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears. I wasn't going to win against consciousness; I was going to faint.

I turned around and ran. I didn't care that a cluster of girls was snickering at me. I didn't care that Mike was staring, bewildered. I didn't even care that Coach Clapp was walking towards me, evidently concerned. I just needed to get out of there.

I reached the bathroom in record time. I couldn't believe I hadn't tripped. I threw myself into a stall, collapsed, and started rocking back and forth. I held myself together with my arms.

Surprisingly, no one came after me. Maybe Coach Clapp thought I was sick? I didn't care.

Digging my fingernails into my arms seemed to help. I readjusted my hands and dug them into uncharted regions, making new cuts. I continued this until I had calmed down. I probably had more than twenty small incisions on my arms by the time I had relaxed enough to breathe correctly. I knew all the holes were dripping blood but, for the first time in my life, the smell didn't bother me. Sure, I felt queasy, but I welcomed anything that wasn't the excruciatingly painful ripping coming from my chest.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi everyone. Sorry it's been so long since I last updated. I had some personal stuff I had to deal with this summer and, unfortunately, haven't been able to write in a while.**

* * *

 **BPOV:**

Somehow, I had managed to make it home. I should have felt embarrassed about running out of the room during gym, but that feeling was lost in utter emptiness. I felt weak, weaker than normal, and dragged myself up to my room. I collapsed face first onto my bed, still completely clothed. I was pathetic. I knew that. Feeling this way and acting like this after getting broken up with wasn't normal for this length of time. I genuinely wanted – no – craved to feel better. I would give anything, my soul, my life, my future, to wake up one morning and feel as though I'd moved on.

The sickening thing was that even though I told myself I had completely given up any hope of happiness, I knew that deep down in my subconscious there was still a small light of hope. Hope for some semblance of peace. I knew the Cullens would never come back to me. I knew Edward was pursuing distractions and bored by my very presence. I knew Alice had never viewed me as a friend. The only authentic feelings I ever received from that family – my lost family – were from Rosalie. She hated me. Down to the core of my being. I knew they all felt that way now. How could they not? All I had caused them was destruction and misery.

No, the hope was for some release. Alcohol had given that to me; but that was just a Band-Aid slapped on a larger, much more gruesome wound that I knew would never heal.

"… Bella?" I felt someone shaking me awake.

I groggily turned over and saw Charlie standing over me.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked. "I got a call from your school saying you left in a hurry from gym?" he looked genuinely concerned. I hated hurting him this way. My very presence was hurting him, aging him far beyond his years.

"Oh, yeah, that…" I mumbled. "Umm, I think I'm getting sick." Lies came so much easier to me now. I guess when you stop caring about everything, you lose your "tells." I figured it was easier on Charlie to think I was sick rather than the alternative – that I was slowly and irreversibly losing my hold on reality. "I'm going to try to sleep it off."

"Okay, well you let me know if you need anything honey." He paused a second longer, appearing to struggle with something he wanted to add. He seemed to decide against it and quietly left the room.

I stared after him for a while. It could have been seconds. It could have been hours. I wish I could ease his stress. I should never have come to Forks. I should never have clouded his life with my presence. Even knowing what I now know, knowing how things had to end, I wouldn't change my decision to come here. Does that make me selfish? I think so. I can't be sure anymore. My mind isn't to be trusted.

"I just don't understand…" a woman's voice rang in my head. I tried to respond, to ask what she was talking about, why she sounded so sad. I sucked in breath to respond but was yanked back into unconsciousness before the words could form on my lips.

* * *

The rest of the week passed by in a haze. It's comically ironic how fast time passes when you're happy and how slow it beats away when you're struggling to survive.

Mike was still determined to get me to go to his party on Friday. I couldn't understand why he put up with me. I knew I wasn't great company anymore and my presence definitely wasn't doing him any good socially. Most people just completely ignored me now, but every so often I'd get the quick glances and the hushed whispers, solidifying my position as the school pariah.

"So you're definitely coming tonight, right Bella?" Mike asked again during lunch.

I had been spinning my water bottle cap on the table and looked up at the sound of my name. I made eye contact with Lauren who was sitting a few seats down from me. She rolled her eyes and whispered something into Jessica's ear.

"Bella?" Mike asked again.

"Sorry, what?"

"Er, I was just making sure you were still coming over tonight. There's going to be a ton of people! And I heard some guys from the reservation might be coming, so your friend Jacob – that's his name, right? – might be there! Even more reason for you to come!"

The fact that Mike would even mention Jake was astounding. The night didn't end well when it was just the three of us at the movies. I guess that showed just how determined Mike was for me to join.

"I said I would come." I resumed spinning the bottle cap.

"That's great!" he said. I looked up again to smile in his direction and, again, made eye contact with Lauren. She looked angry. She tapped Jessica's arm and they both glanced my way and snickered before leaving the table.

"Don't mind her," came a quiet voice to my left. I looked over and realized I was sitting next to Angela. How I was this oblivious to my surroundings all the time was beyond me.

"Thanks, Angela." I forced another smile.

"How are you doing?" she asked, glancing down at my uneaten pizza.

"Better every day" I smiled. The room was clearing, and I realized with relief it was almost time for class. "I better get to class," I mumbled.

As I threw away my food, I glanced back to see deep concern etched on Angela's face. I hated that. I preferred being ignored over being pitied. I suppose I should feel grateful to Mike, to Angela, for never really writing me off. But the added strain of putting on a happy façade at school when I already had to fake happiness around Charlie necessitated too much energy.

That afternoon I couldn't decide if I should tell Charlie I was going out or if I should just leave when he fell asleep. I chose the latter, not wanting to explain where I was going. I got completely ready before Charlie got home and got into bed so he would think I was sleeping early.

I heard his cruiser pull into the driveway just as the sun was setting. My door creaked open and closed, and I knew I had successfully fooled him.

Lying here with nothing to do would have bothered the version of me I no longer knew. The carefree, happy, unencumbered version of me. The version of me before love, before heartbreak, before emptiness. But I had gotten so used to withdrawing into my head and thinking about nothing that the hours it took for Charlie to retreat into his room were bearable and much preferred over socialization.

When I heard his bedroom door shut, I quietly made my way downstairs. Mike said he would pick me up at 10:30, and, sure enough, he was waiting by the curb across the street when I closed and locked the front door.

I held my breath for a few seconds, trying to hear movement in the house that would signal I had been busted. When all remained quiet, I hurried over to the passenger side of Mike's car.

"Hey!" he said as I yanked the door open.

"Thanks for picking me up." I responded, smiling at an attempt to make my words sincere.

"No problem! Some people are already at my house but everything seemed under control when I left!"

The conversation continued, mostly one-sided, until we pulled up to his house. He wasn't kidding when he said a lot of people were coming. It looked like everyone between the ages of 16 and 18 and in the vicinity of Forks were crammed inside his house. It was a good thing Mike lived pretty far from other houses, otherwise I was sure Chief Swan would get a call from an annoyed neighbor and show up to send everyone home.

"Let's go find some drinks!" said Mike, snapping me out of my thoughts, grabbing me by the arm, and pulling me into the house.

* * *

The party was actually kind of fun. There was more than enough beer to go around and the numerous vodka handles were an added bonus.

I took a few shots with Mike right when we got into the house and almost instantly started to feel more comfortable.

I was sitting with Mike and a few other people who I didn't know that well from school when three large, copper-skinned boys came through the front door. I thought I recognized at least two of them but couldn't be sure.

"Come on, Bella, take another with me!" Mike yelled over the music.

"Sure!" I replied, tearing my eyes away from the entranceway.

We took three more shots. Mike made a face after the last one. I laughed freely, enjoying the liberty the party had brought me.

"I missed that." Mike said, sighing. Before I could react, he grabbed my hand. "Let's play some beer pong!" he shouted, dragging me behind him.

"Mike!" I called, protesting as he led me through the door leading outside. "You know I can't play! No hand-eye-coordination, remember?"

Mike laughed and turned to me, "well, it'll be just like gym then!"

Mike was actually good at beer pong. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Where I was completely lacking in anything even closely resembling a sport, Mike seemed to flourish.

"Yesssss!" Mike celebrated, turning to me for a high five. We had just won our second game in a row.

I cheerfully high fived him back but as I pulled my hand away, he tightened his hold. He quickly pulled me into a half embrace so that my right arm was around his left side. He dipped me, leaning in for a kiss. I froze.

His lips made contact.

I remained frozen.

He pulled away, a huge grin plastered on his face.

When he released me, I turned and ran; I had to get away from him.

* * *

"Bella?" came a soft voice. I was huddled in the corner of a back room – the dining room? "Are you okay?"

I looked up and was greeted by Angela's caring eyes.

"I saw what happened," she continued, knowing she had my attention.

I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. "I didn't know you were here," I responded, ignoring her question.

"I only just got here. I came to pick up Jessica and Lauren."

"Oh," I said, trying to focus on her face. I couldn't remember seeing Jessica or Lauren either.

"I can take you home too, if you want…"

"Umm okay." I couldn't think clearly. I knew I wanted to leave though. "I just have to pee first."

I got up quickly and staggered, falling back against the wall.

"I can help –," Angela began, but I shook my head and hurried passed her.

I could feel bile rising in my throat. I hurried around the corner to the bathroom I had used earlier in the night. I grabbed the handle and shook. Locked. I pounded on the door, "I need to pee!" I hollered.

"Occupied!" came a boy's voice.

I heard a giggle and pounded again.

"It's occupied!" came a girl's voice.

I didn't have time for this! I turned on my heel and raced towards the staircase in the center of the house. I tripped over myself while climbing the stairs as fast as possible without throwing up. I threw open one door, two doors, three doors, yes! The third room was a bathroom.

I shut the door, locking it tightly.

I got up to wash my hands, swaying as I tried to pump the soap. I looked at myself in the mirror but my features were blurry and unrecognizable. I carefully dried my hands, turned off the light, and grabbed the handle to open the door. "Stupid lock," I cursed, under my breath.

After a few tries, I was free. I swung the door open and collided with a black mass.

"You're not going anywhere, bitch," came a low voice.

I opened my mouth to scream but felt a hand clamp down on my face.

"I said, you're not going anywhere, bitch," came the voice again as I was shoved backwards into the tiny bathroom.

The lock clicked defiantly into place.


	9. Chapter 9

**Jacob's POV:**

I was really freaking trying to focus but something was still bothering me. No… someone. Bella had completely given up on contacting me. I guess that's what I wanted. I needed to keep her away from this completely fucked up life I got dragged into… all because of those disgusting bloodsuckers. I knocked down a small tree with my paw in one quick motion. It splintered and dropped to the forest floor.

She had to have known. I knocked down another tree. How could she have dated him and not known? Another tree joined its fallen brothers. She had coaxed information - secrets - about my tribe out of me that day on the beach. The day I realized I loved her. Another tree joined the rubble.

 _Ugh Jake. Stop. You're obsessing AGAIN, and I'm TRYING to enjoy a stroll through the woods BEFORE you mutilate the entire forest._

I rolled my eyes. _Butt out_ _Jared._

At least it was only Jared, Sam, and me patrolling tonight. Even so, it was still too loud for me to adequately think about my fucked-up situation.

I felt the recognition of a rancid bloodsucker before I heard Sam's howl rise out of the forest, echoing through the leaves.

I was off. I used the primal strength of my body to ricochet around trees and over streams and rocks. The chase drove everything from my mind. I was the hunter. The reeking cesspool of a creature was my prey.

Through Sam's eyes, I could see long red hair whip just out of reach. It was fast, but I was faster.

 _I knew there was a mate,_ thought Jared as I passed him. He fell swiftly into place on my left.

I remembered, with vehement satisfaction, helping my brothers tear apart that black-haired bloodsucker a few weeks ago. The memory of his stink while he burned made my eyes water.

 _Where are Embry, Paul, and Quil?_ Jared demanded. As if in answer, Quil phased directly north of our pursuit placing him right in the red-haired bloodsucker's path.

 _This is it! We're catching her this time._ Embry thought excitedly as he phased to join Quil, both ready to ambush.

Sam howled again. _Where the fuck is Paul?_ He directed at Embry and Quil, having seen in their minds that they had been together tonight.

I caught up to Sam then; we were closing ranks fast. _Yes yes yes!_ I thought, sensing the victory. It was cornered. By some luck, we had it completely surrounded. Sam on my right, Jared on my left, and, in just a few more seconds, Embry and Quil in front. The bloodsucker couldn't smell them waiting to attack. The wind was in our favor. _This will be an easy kill, she's not getting away again._

I felt as Paul's body phased to join us, to join Embry and Quil and secure the trap.

He was trying to hide his thoughts. Trying to focus on the oncoming bloodsucker. He was drunk though, and his diminished capacity allowed his mind to run free.

Anger boiled my blood. Seething rage replaced tactful bloodsucker destruction.

 _No Jake!_ Someone shouted. I couldn't hear. I couldn't see. I just wanted to kill. To kill a wolf.

Something hard collided with my right side. I snapped around, teeth bared and ready to destroy anything that got in my way.

 _Jacob, STOP_. The edict from the Alpha. My body immediately obeyed. I was immobilized.

* * *

 **AN: More chapters coming soon!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Angela's POV** :  
Bella rushed past me before I could stop her. I sighed. Is this what college was going to be like? Chasing after my drunk friends? I went back to the front of the house, intending to follow Bella despite her objections. "Are you ready yet?" snapped Lauren, sitting with a sobbing Jess. I sighed again.

"Mmm, not yet. I'm trying to find Bella."

"You can't be serious," she looked genuinely surprised. Her features wrinkled together making her inner cruelty plan on her face.

"She needs a ride home too. I'm not leaving her here."

"She probably _wants_ to spend the night with Mike. You'd be doing her a favor." Lauren's retort caused renewed sobs to erupt from Jess.

"It's okay, Jess. You're way prettier than her. Mike is just drunk. He probably thought he was kissing you! Don't cry." Lauren rhythmically rubbed Jess' back, still glaring at me. "Just go find her so we can leave already!"

"Be right back," I mumbled, turning around to find the bathroom.

The bathroom was empty.

"Hey, Angela!"

I turned around and was face-to-face with a very drunk Mike. "Oh, hey Mike."

"I didn't know you were here!" he wrapped me in a tight hug. I hugged him back awkwardly; he stunk of beer.

"I came to drive Lauren and Jess home. Uh, where are your other bathrooms?"

"This one not good enough?" he chuckled, finding the idea much funnier than it was.

I hesitated. I didn't want to tell him I was looking for Bella. She probably didn't want to see him so soon after what happened earlier. Thankfully, Mike answered without pressing further.

"There's two upstairs, I could show you!"

"No, that's okay!" I smiled.

"Really, it's not a problem."

I was trying to think of an excuse that would let me search his house on my own when, thankfully, I was saved from explaining.

"Miiiike, man, what a party!" Colton appeared around the corner sloshing beer onto Mike's floor with every approaching step. I didn't really know Colton that well, but he was my favorite person right now. I could sense a quick escape.

"Hey man!"

This was my cue. "Bye, Mike! Colton!" I swiftly stepped around them both.

I started up the staircase when Bella appeared at the top. "Bella!" I called, relieved. Something about her expression, however, made me stop short. "Are you okay? Is that blood?" Her hair was a mess, fresh tears were pouring down her cheeks, and blood was steadily dripping down the sleeve of her shirt from what looked like three very large gashes on her arm. "What happened?"

She looked down, appearing to notice the gashes for the first time. Blood was collecting at her fingertips and dripping onto the floor. She balked at it.

I waited for her to respond but she just stood there staring at her arm. I took off my jacket and went to join her at the top of the stairs. She winced away from me as I firmly tied my jacket around her arm. The wounds looked way worse up close. "You should go to the hospital. I can drive you there."

"No! I'm fine," she said hurriedly, glancing around as if searching for someone.

"Are you sure...? it wouldn't be a problem. I really think you should go..."

"Please, I want to go home."

I didn't want to argue with her further so I just nodded and walked with her in silence to the front door. "What took so long?" Lauren whined rudely when she saw us.

Bella completely ignored both her and Jess and walked right out the front door. It would have been kind of funny in different, lighter circumstances. Unfortunately, it seemed to enrage Lauren even more.

"Creep," Lauren called after her.

"Lauren, please stop," I said, turning to frown at her. "Let's just get in the car so I can take you all home."

"What's her problem, anyway? She should be apologizing to Jess, not acting like she's too good for us and walking past without so much as a 'hello.'"

"Let's just go," I repeated, with a little more conviction. "Fine," Lauren huffed, helping Jess to her feet.

Bella was already at the car. I unlocked the door and she crawled into the back seat, trying to look as small as possible. She must be even more shaken up about Mike than I had originally thought.

Lauren helped Jess into the front seat and slammed the door before getting in next to Bella. I sighed. This was going to be an awkward ride.

Driving over to Bella's house I checked on her a few times in the rearview mirror. She had her cheek pressed against the glass with her eyes screwed shut. I would have thought she had fallen asleep if it weren't for the tremors running repeatedly through her body. There was no way this was just about Mike. What he did was so messed up, but the Bella I knew would be more angry than upset. Her body language screamed defeat and dejection. I wondered again what happened to her arm. I was about to ask but decided against it. If she wanted to talk, she would talk.

I pulled up to Bella's house first. It wasn't exactly the quickest route – I should have dropped Jess off first – but I was worried about Bella's arm.

It looked like every single light was on in her house. I heard the back door open and the car automatically filled with light.

"Thanks, Angela," Bella called softly. She shut the door and slowly approached her house.

Chief Swan's silhouette appeared in the doorway, light pouring out around him and illuminating the driveway. I definitely did not envy Bella tonight, I thought sadly as a pulled away from the curb.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Wanted to give you all one more chapter tonight since I suck at uploading on a regular basis. I'm committed to seeing this story through, so I promise I'll keep uploading! Thank you to those of you who have reviewed! It warms my heart whenever I see that someone has left their thoughts about the story.**

* * *

 **Charlie's POV:**

I huffed. It was so hard to sleep through the night with Bella such a mess. I listened, thinking it must've been Bella who had woken me up again. Oddly, all was quiet.

I rolled over trying to go back to sleep. I was so worried about her – I wasn't equipped to handle this. I couldn't do this. More than anything, I wanted her to be happy. But lately, she was just so dead inside.

I rolled over again, trying to find a more comfortable position for sleep to take me, but the action was futile. I was awake. I got up to go check on her.

I carefully opened her door, not wanting to wake her. But… She wasn't in her bed. I switched the light on, hoping it had just been a trick of the dark.

But, no. No. She wasn't there. I turned on my heel and slammed on the hall light. The bathroom was empty too.

I went downstairs, turning on all the lights as I went, hoping she would appear out of the shadows. Nothing.

She wasn't here.

She had left.

"Aghhhhh!" I shouted. "What the hell, Bella?" I slammed my fist on the kitchen counter. I hadn't remembered coming in here. My hand itched towards the phone. One phone call. One. I could have the entire Forks police force out looking for her.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to slow my heart rate. She was reckless and stupid. This was Renée's fault. I never should have let her rear Bella on her own. She was scatter-brained and ill-equipped to teach responsibility.

I paced and vented for what seemed like hours. I felt my anger building with each passing minute. Eventually, I heard what sounded like a car door slamming. I bolted to the front door and threw it open.

There she was. There was Bella. The relief I felt was soon crushed by pure, unadulterated anger.

"Bella!" I hollered, sure the neighbors would wake up from the volume of my voice. "Where the hell have you been?" I recklessly continued, louder than before.

She had the hood of a jacket I had never seen before pulled tightly up around her head. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl's jacket. I quickly dismissed the issue, physically shaking it from my head. I knew that thought would lead me down an even more hostile path.

When she was close to me, I instantly recognized the smell of beer and vodka. She was drunk. Again.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? We talked about this! I told you if you ever drank again I was going to send you straight to Renée's! But, news flash Bella, she doesn't want to deal with this! I don't want to deal with this! I love you Bella, but you're being completely impossible and I don't know what to do anymore! I've tried everything - EVERYTHING - to snap you out of this. But this goes beyond me."

I waited. Partially hoping she would respond but also knowing she couldn't say anything to calm me down. I didn't get angry that often. Mostly I was incredibly calm, but I had a temper. I got it from my father and, if I wasn't mistaken, Bella had gotten that part of him as well. It was the type of temper that simmered, unknowingly, right beneath the surface. It built and built and built, like pressure in an uncontrolled valve. Once it reached capacity, it would explode. I would see red and completely shut down to any attempt at reason.

She didn't answer me. She just stared off into a corner completely ignoring my presence.

"You have nothing to say for yourself?" I roared.

Silence.

"Fine!" I yelled, "Fine!" I repeated, even louder, slamming the front door that was still hanging open for the entire street to hear my anger.

"You don't leave me a choice! In the morning, I'm checking you into Cascade. Maybe they'll know what to do with you! It's absolutely unbelievable you're _still_ acting like this. Get over him! He's gone! He doesn't want you. Move on with your life! It's one stupid teenage crush."

She still wasn't looking at me.

"I'm done. I'm fucking done."

I turned and went straight to my room, slamming my door. How dare she be so thoughtless? It's one stupid boy. ONE. In my entire life, I had never seen anyone act the way she was acting. Heartbreak sucks. But at least she wasn't married to the guy. She got out of a relationship without the messiness of having to give up half her assets. It was clean. She had a clean break. But she was acting like her soul had been shattered. It was absurd.

I tried to calm down. I knew I should check on her. I knew I should apologize for yelling. She was so broken, she didn't need my anger on top of everything else.

I had finally relaxed enough to speak with her calmly when I heard a pounding echoing from downstairs. What now? It was the middle of the night.

I made my way to the front door, but was shoved aside by Jacob Black before I had even reached the entryway.

"Jacob?" I called after his retreating figure. "What the hell?"

Jacob had thrown himself at the staircase and was out of sight before I could react.

I slammed the door and turned to follow him, to kick him out, but the phone rang before my foot even touched the top step.

What the hell was going on. Don't people have manners?

"Call an ambulance!" I heard from the second floor. An ambulance? Why?

The phone was still ringing. I shook my head and grabbed it from the cradle.

"Hello?" I mumbled into the phone.

"Call a fucking ambulance!" came Jacob's booming voice from upstairs.

"Sorry, what? I can't hear you. Hold on." I said into the phone.

"What?" I called up to Jake.

"Fucking call an ambulance!" Jacob yelled again.

"Please, I need to speak with Bella immediately," came a light, melodic voice from the receiver.

I couldn't hear anything. The person on the phone and Jake were both speaking at the same time. My head was spinning. I couldn't process who needed my attention first.

"Shut up!" I hollered. There was silence on both ends.

"What did you say?" I said into the phone. "Hello?" The line was dead.

"Charlie, please, call an ambulance!" yelled Jake again.

I quickly dialed and requested an ambulance when the line connected.

"One has already been requested, sir."

"I'm sorry?" I asked, confused.

"We received a call and we have first responders on their way. Can you explain the situation?"

"The what?"

"Charlie, get in here!" came Jake's anguished voice from upstairs.

"Um. I have to go. Please hurry." I knew something was wrong now. My brain was finally catching up with the night's events.

"Charlie!" yelled Jake, again.

"Okay, I'm coming." I hung up the phone, threw the front door open, and hurried upstairs.

I would never forget the scene that welcomed me when I arrived at the top of the second-floor landing.

I fell to my knees, unable to move and unable to act. I knew Jake was yelling instructions at me. I knew I needed to pull myself together. I knew we only had minutes -seconds- to act before it was too late. Too late.

I couldn't lose her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Jacob's POV:**

My body was shaking. I was too angry to phase back into my human form. Most of the pack had retreated to their homes since it was unlikely the bloodsucker would return tonight. Sam had escorted Paul back to his house, silently deciding that he would wait until the morning when Paul was sober to call an elder meeting. Sam had tried to convince me that he'd pay for what he'd done tonight. But there would be no justice unless he paid with his life.

 _Jake, man, you've got to relax._ Embry was pacing in front of me, commanded by Sam to keep an eye on me until I had a better control of my rage.

My nails dug rhythmically into the forest floor. My body started shaking harder. Sam had no right. HE HAD NO RIGHT to stop me from attacking.

 _He had every right._ Embry's thoughts drifted towards me. A snarl was building steadily louder from deep within my chest. _There's no point fighting it._

I threw my head back and let out a long earth-trembling howl. Flashes of Paul's hazy thoughts wracked my mind. I knew I didn't have a complete picture because Paul had phased back almost immediately after I glimpsed his thoughts – no – his triumphant boasts. What I had seen was enough. _Paul pushing Bella back into a small bathroom. Paul changing before her eyes while she laid motionless and naked in a tight quivering ball on the floor at his feet. Paul attacking and taking off through a window._

 _Stop, Jake! You don't know what happened! Man, you need to relax. You don't know why he was in there. You don't know what happened in there. You don't even know if she was actually…well, you know... Hell, maybe he wasn't even in there at all! You know we sometimes confuse our thoughts with our actions. He was drunk! You don't know what happened!_

I glared at him, hate spilling out of my soul. It would take an absolute moronic shithead to continue talking while feeling the spite coursing from my body. Yet, here we were…

 _All I'm saying is you should wait until the elders hold a trial to pass your judgment._

It took everything in me to ignore Embry. Somehow I managed, continuing my deliberations, still flexing my nails in and out, in and out. Paul wasn't expecting us all to be in wolf form. He hadn't been listening to Sam's howls calling us to work, calling us to track down that bloodsucker running through our territory. When his brain recognized mine, he couldn't stop himself from his thoughts. He felt my anger, my fury. I was so close. So close to ending him, to tearing him limb from limb.

 _He changed back into human form before you could see much of anything, Jake. They could've just been talking!_

That was it. I sprung forward and had Embry on the ground, pinned under my full weight.

 _Get off me! What the hell, Jake. Get off!_

 _You. Don't. Know. What. You're. Talking. About._ I thought, my words dripping with malice and my lips pulled back, baring my teeth.

 _No, YOU don't know what YOU'RE talking about._ Embry thought, snapping at my neck. _Now, GET OFF ME!_

I held him down for another few seconds before I could work up the resolve to release him.

When he was free he glanced at me, _Jeez, you're so dramatic._

I turned and ran. Ran away from my fucking babysitter. Ran towards Bella. Towards the house where she had been before… I stopped myself. I couldn't think about it now. I needed to control myself and phase back.

 _Where are you going? Jake? Jake! You know you can't tell anyone about what happened. You've been ordered! Jake!_

That was the last thing I heard before finally shifting back, arms swinging tensely by my side. I quickly pulled my pants on before emerging from the trees. The party seemed to have died down considerably. I circled around once, trying to listen for any sign of Bella before giving up and knocking on the front door.

No one answered.

I knocked again.

No answer.

I jiggled the doorknob and let myself in.

It seemed like a typical trashed house after a bunch of drunk kids tore through. No one really paid me much attention. Everyone was too drunk to notice the half-naked newcomer.

I checked everywhere for her before realizing she must have left.

I needed to find her. To see her with my own eyes. To find out if something happened since I knew I wouldn't be allowed anywhere near Paul tonight. Would I know when I saw her? Would I be able to do anything about it? My body shook with anger as I thought about Sam protecting that piece of… I took a deep breath. I had to stay calm.

I jogged out the front door and was back in the cover of the forest in a few strides.

I briefly considered phasing but decided against it, concluding I didn't want the pack to know where I was going. Though I was actually more concerned about being able to phase back.

I pushed my body to run faster through the trees, trying to use the exertion as a distraction. It was frustratingly slow to run in this form, although I knew I was much faster than any average human.

I reached their house and paused before jumping up to her window. The house seemed quiet, but I could just make out Charlie's quick breathing from what I guessed was his room. He didn't sound asleep. I'd have to be sure not to call unnecessary attention to myself.

I leapt quietly up to Bella's windowsill and propped myself against it to peer inside. It was dark in her room but my eyes were sharp and clear; she wasn't in there. I carefully worked the window up and lowered myself into her bedroom.

I was prepared to wait for her to get back but another instinct kicked in, an animalistic instinct. My nose wrinkled, goosebumps rose from my skin, and my hair stood straight up. Blood. And a lot of it.

I followed my nose, allowing the wolf to completely take over in all ways but form. I carefully crossed the floor, my feet effortlessly finding the quietest path. The smell was growing stronger.

I turned instinctively to the bathroom. The door was locked. I listened for any sign of life on the other side but heard nothing.

My mind immediately went to worst-case scenario. I processed quickly what needed to be done to not only preserve my tribe, but also intervene on whatever hell had been unleashed in that bathroom.

In seconds I was back through the window, around to the front of the house, and pounding on the front door.

Why were humans so slow? _Charlie hurry the fuck up and open the door_ , I thought to myself as I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet. _She just fell, she just fell, she just fell_ , I repeated over and over again trying to convince myself that the smell of blood wasn't overpowering and therefore didn't signify much more blood loss than a small fall would have created.

I couldn't wait any longer. I grabbed the key from under the eaves and ran up the stairs, taking them four at a time and passing right by Charlie on the way.

* * *

 **AN: Okay, please don't hate me. I was going to wait to upload this until the scene was complete, but I wanted to get another chapter up for you all today. Hoping to have the next part up tomorrow!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Jacob's POV** :

I completely ignored Charlie as I hurled myself at the top step. I grabbed the doorknob of the bathroom and ripped it clean off the door, no longer caring about consequences and about secrets. Without the lock to restrain its movements, the door swung open wide. I instantly knew that the scene before me would burn in the back of my eyes until the day I died.

Bella was slumped sideways, appearing to have been sitting with her back against the tub before she lost consciousness. There was a pool of blood underneath her that was steadily growing larger, fueled by the open gashes on her wrists.

Without thinking I grabbed two washcloths set out next to the sink, wrapped her tiny wrists, and put as much pressure on them as possible.

"Call an ambulance!" I yelled while applying the washcloths. "Bella? Bella, wake up! Bella, you need to wake up. Please, Bella wake up," I begged. I could hear the phone ringing downstairs. This was not the fucking time for a phone call. "Call a fucking ambulance!" I yelled, again.

"What?" replied Charlie.

"Fucking call an ambulance!" I frantically looked around for anything to help, anything that might get Bella to wake up without sending her body into shock, and that's when I saw it. Something that made everything worse, if that were even possible. There was an empty prescription bottle under the sink. _No Bella. No you fucking didn't do this. You didn't fucking do this._

"Shut up!" I heard Charlie yell from downstairs. I'd realized then that I had been hyperventilating.

I slowed my breathing and yelled again, "Charlie, please, call an ambulance!" I leaned in close to listen for Bella's breathing. There it was; the steady in and out of air. It was faint though, almost imperceptible. "Charlie, get in here!" I pleaded, praying he had called the ambulance already, not sure how much time we had left.

I slowly tilted Bella so she was positioned on her back. I was moving so cautiously – worried about keeping pressure on her wrists – that I hadn't heard Charlie enter the room. When I finally noticed him, he was kneeling on the ground, his head in his hands.

"Charlie, you need to get up and perform CPR. NOW!" I said, with as much strength and clarity as possible.

He didn't move.

"Now is not the time to freeze Charlie. GET UP!" I shouted.

Something seemed to click in Charlie's mind and he jumped into action. "Keep pressure on those," he said, acknowledging Bella's wrists with a small nod but keeping his eyes trained on his feet as he moved around me to Bella's side. He began CPR without another word.

We performed our roles in complete silence, waiting, just waiting.

I didn't know how much time had passed when I heard the sirens out front. Seconds after we heard the breaks screech, two men and a woman were rushing in and taking over for us. The woman effortlessly stepped in for Charlie, continuing CPR without so much as a second's break. The men carefully but swiftly moved Bella to a stretcher, working faster than I would have thought possible. Or maybe my brain was moving slower.

When Bella was safely strapped in - the female EMT on top of her still performing CPR - I grabbed the empty prescription bottle from underneath the sink. "Take this too," I said, shoving it into one of the EMT's pockets. "I think she took those." Charlie's eyes widened infinitesimally, revealing pure horror underneath his carefully constructed Chief of Police mask.

"Let's go," Charlie said, the horror gone and replaced with determined professionalism.

We quickly followed behind the procession, down the stairs, and out onto the front lawn where the darkness and mist distorted the flashing lights atop the ambulance. I was about to join the EMTs in the ambulance when Charlie grabbed my arm and led me to his cruiser. "We'll give them an escort," he said, jumping into the driver's seat. I hurried to the passenger's side and had barely shut my door before Charlie had pulled out smoothly in front of the ambulance.

My head was spinning. I realized that I had been holding my breath… for how long, I wasn't sure. I tried to breathe, to think about anything except what had just taken place. It was pointless. The night kept playing over and over in my head like a horrible song, screaming from every inch of my consciousness, refusing to be silenced.

We pulled up to the hospital in record time. I was out of the car before Charlie. I ran through the emergency room doors in time to see Bella's stretcher handed off to a set of doctors. I quickly picked up speed, determined to follow wherever she went but was stopped mid-stride by one of the EMTs.

"They've got this covered now," he said, holding my right shoulder tightly in place. His breath smelled like peppermints and coffee.

"Let me go, now." I whispered, my hands quivering.

"It's alright, I've got this." I turned and saw Charlie approaching quickly, subconsciously alerted to an impending fight. "Come on Jake, let's go sit."

I took a few deep breaths. When the EMT was sure I wasn't going to fight Charlie, he turned and disappeared back out into the night.

"Come on," repeated Charlie.

Charlie knew his way around. We were soon in the waiting room, heading to the furthest corner. The one other occupant was an older woman who was coughing raucously into a bright pink bandanna and paying us no attention.

Charlie collapsed into one of the green leather chairs. He brought his hands up to his face and began massaging his shut eyes. "I have a lot of questions, you know," he finally said, eyeing me from beneath his fingers.

"I know," I acknowledged, still standing awkwardly in front of him.

"Well, better settle in. It's going to be a long night."

I grunted and collapsed into the chair next to him. _Long_ was an understatement.


	14. Chapter 14

**Jacob's POV:**

We sat in silence for a while. Charlie and I were both covered in blood but neither of us so much as went to the bathroom to wash our hands.

"What's taking so long?" I asked Charlie when I could no longer handle the silence.

Charlie didn't answer.

As if on cue, a man in scrubs came out through the door and walked towards where we were sitting.

"Hello, Chief Swan," he said, extending his right hand to Charlie.

"Dr. Matthews," Charlie responded, shaking his hand. "This is Jacob Black. One of the kids from the reservation."

"Nice to meet you," I said automatically.

"Likewise," said the doctor, shaking my hand as well. "Why don't we sit down?" asked Dr. Matthews, motioning back towards the seats we had abandoned upon his entrance. Charlie and I returned to our respective seats while Dr. Matthews grabbed a chair near us and pulled it around so that it was directly across from Charlie. "Chief Swan…"

"Please, call me Charlie."

"…Charlie," continued the doctor. "Would you like to speak about your daughter's condition in private?" he glanced at me pointedly.

"That's alright," Charlie said, "the kids basically family."

"Okay... Well, Bella is stable. However, there were severe complications. She lost quite a lot of blood and her blood pressure was very low for some time. We just won't know if that caused damage unless she wakes up."

The doctor spoke very slowly and calmly. He made steady eye contact with Charlie, only breaking briefly from my sharp intake of breath.

"She might not wake up? That's what you're saying?" I stammered out, unable to remain silent.

"I am so sorry," Dr. Matthews said, dipping his head slightly at this admission.

"This can't be happening," Charlie moaned, physically shrinking in on himself.

"We had to pump her stomach, as well. We ran a toxicology screening as soon as we had the bleeding under control and, in accordance with your suspicions," he nodded towards me, "she consumed quite a bit of Percocet. Additionally, she had quite a bit of alcohol in her system. The consumption of Percocet and alcohol mixed with the extreme blood loss could result in an inability to awake."

"So, she's in a coma?" mumbled Charlie, disbelievingly.

"As of right now we are monitoring her around the clock hoping that she wakes. But, yes, she's in a coma."

Charlie cried out, heaving slowly through his sobs.

Dr. Matthews trudged forward apologetically, "Eventually, we do need to speak with you about her injuries to decide a course of action should she wake up."

Charlie ignored him, still hyperventilating into his hands.

"Additionally," the doctor continued, "we need to speak regarding the cuts to her upper arm and the severe bruising to her torso that seemed to be sustained prior to the lacerations on her wrist."

"What?" Charlie snapped, suddenly jerking straight up.

"We need to ensure that she was not attacked, or…" the doctor glanced first at me and then back at Charlie, "abused…" he said quickly.

"You think I abused my own daughter?" Charlie roared, standing up in one fluid movement.

"No, Charlie, I'm not suggesting…"

"Because I would NEVER lay a hand on her!" he continued, ignoring the doctor's protests.

"I know Charlie, but we have to 'dot our i's and cross our t's.'"

Charlie stared at him for a moment, then crumpled back into his chair. "Do you really think someone hurt my baby?" he said softly.

"It's a possibility," the doctor said, glancing again in my direction. "We can, of course, continue this discussion later."

Charlie nodded, "When can I see my daughter?"

"Now, if you'd like. I can show you to her room."

We followed Dr. Matthews through the labyrinth-like halls until we finally came to a stop in front of a nondescript white door.


	15. Chapter 15

**_A/N: Thank you everyone who is still reading. I know I update sporadically, but, as I've said before, I'm committed to finishing this story._**

* * *

 **Jacob's POV** :

The door swung open. I barely noticed as Dr. Matthews quietly slipped away. Charlie rushed straight to Bella's side and stood awkwardly next to her bed, unsure if he should touch her. I stayed in the doorway, completely overwhelmed.

Bella was hooked up to every machine imaginable. She looked so small and breakable underneath the wires and tubes. A steady beeping and deafening whooshing were enough to make anyone go insane; adding the distinct hospital smell on top of that, my wolf instincts were in hyper drive. There were so many benefits to being a wolf, but overpowering smells and noises were not one of them.

"She's strapped down? Why?" demanded Charlie as he tore at a belt holding Bella's left arm in place. I had just noticed the straps myself.

A nurse who had been staring at one of the machines turned around and reached out tenderly to Charlie, "you need to leave those, it's for her own safety."

"She's not an animal!" Charlie snapped, shoving the nurse's hands aside and successfully freeing Bella's arm. "And she's not even conscious!"

"Chief Swan, stop. Before we ask you to leave," said the nurse, successfully pushing Charlie aside. "It's just to ensure she won't harm herself again."

"This is absurd. It's completely unnecessary. I'm not going to have Bella strapped down like a criminal!" Charlie's face was turning dangerously red.

"It's hospital policy…"

"I don't give a damn about policy!" he spit.

"Sir. You need to calm down." The nurse had successfully positioned herself between him and Bella. She seemed like the kind of person who wouldn't back down easily.

"Calm down? Calm down! My daughter is in a coma and you're telling me to calm down?"

Before I could react, Dr. Matthews had returned. "Charlie can we speak outside?"

"This is unbelievable." Charlie dodged around the nurse, arms reaching desperately for Bella.

Dr. Matthews swiftly stepped around Charlie, joining the nurse in a defensive line. "Charlie. I'm not going to ask you again. Please don't force us to get security involved. Can we _please_ speak outside?"

Charlie glanced desperately back and forth between the nurse and Dr. Matthews. After a few seconds he realized he was outnumbered. "Fine."

"Charlie, we have only your daughter's interest in mind. That's why the policy is in place." Dr. Matthews spoke calmly as he led Charlie around the corner, letting the door close soundly behind them.

I stood in the corner watching the nurse. She glanced at me a couple times while she worked, probably wondering why I hadn't moved. I wasn't sure how I hadn't broken down yet. The adrenaline seemed to still be pumping through my veins, but I wasn't sure how much longer that would last.

The nurse squinted at me questioningly before leaving. I ignored her.

Finally, I was alone with Bella. _My_ Bella. _My Bella_ who I hadn't seen in weeks because of the stupid bloodsuckers screwing me over and making my wolf genes kick in. _My Bella_ who I had promised to protect. _My Bella_ who I had failed.

"Screw the policy," I mumbled. In three strides I was at Bella's side. Her hair fanned neatly around her, framing her perfect face. She looked so peaceful, but the wires and tubes stopped my mind from believing the lie. I undid the restraint the nurse had refastened and made quick work of the other three. My hand lingered over her right ankle before covering her up with the blanket I had moved to undo the straps holding her feet in place. I tucked the covers around her as best I could without jostling anything.

"Bella, why would you do this?" I could feel tears coming on. I placed my hand on her bandaged arm. "You can't leave me here without you." The lump in my throat was replaced by rage. "Why didn't you talk to me? Or call me about this?" I looked at her small wrists wrapped in layers of bandages. "Come back to me Bella." I gently placed my hand on her cheek, stroking her face with my thumb. "Please Bella, we need more time. _I_ need more time."

I reached up to rub my eyes. My fingers came back wet. I realized I was crying.

I heard voices becoming louder and louder. I quickly wiped my face on my arm and turned to see Dr. Matthews followed by a very annoyed Charlie.

"Well, I see you've already taken them off." Dr. Matthews looked at me disapprovingly but evidently decided not to lecture me. "I'll have Janet bring you both some clothes." He looked at my bare chest and shook his head. "You can use the shower in the bathroom," he nodded towards a door in the corner of the room.

Charlie and I stood next to Bella in silence. The nurse from earlier – Janet? – came in at one point leaving behind a pile of grey scrubs, some pillows, and a few blankets.

"You can go first," Charlie mumbled. "I want to stay close to Bella. The doctor said these next 24 hours were crucial. I don't want… to not be here… when she wakes up."

I grunted, grabbed a set of scrubs, and went into the bathroom to shower. The water felt amazing on my tense back but I showered quickly, wanting nothing more than to get back to Bella.

I stepped out, grabbed a towel, and started drying off when the smell hit me.

I panicked. I usually knew exactly what to do when I smelled that stench. Phase. Attack. Shred. Burn.

But we were in a hospital. I pulled on the scrubs and threw open the bathroom door.


	16. Chapter 16

**APOV** :

I couldn't choose which eyeshadow I wanted. One was a brilliant green – beautiful on its own, but a little too showy to actually use. The other was a warm brown color. As I dropped the brown pallet into my basket, I knew I had chosen it more because it reminded me of my friend than for any other legitimate reason.

I grabbed a few more essentials: foundation, blush, mascara… I wasn't really paying close attention, and if I was being completely honest with myself, I wasn't going to use any of it anyway. Sometimes I wore a little bit of makeup when I went on dates with Jasper but those had been few and far between lately.

I sighed. Jasper had wandered off with Emmett to find some video game that had just been released. The two of them had jumped up and down like schoolchildren when Rosalie suggested we get out of the house for a bit to go shopping.

The drive to the mall, while long, had been relatively uneventful. I hated living in Alaska. There was nothing to do except hunt and chat to those around you. I missed Forks. I missed being able to drive to any store I wanted without having to get on a plane or swim and mess up my clothes. I missed high school. I missed my friends, well, one friend.

I felt a sharp pain behind my eyes and saw a flash of Bella at a party. I closed my eyes to focus on blocking the rest of the vision out. Every time I did this I felt a swell of curiosity, tempting me to let the images take over. Jasper had asked me once what it felt like to purposefully ignore my visions. I wasn't able to describe it when he had asked, but the severe boredom of Alaska gave me more than enough time to consider his question.

 _We were lying in a snow-covered field counting shooting stars when it finally hit me, "It's almost like I'm getting a call." I turned to him in one fluid motion, propping myself up by the chin with the palm of my hand. "Not just any call, but a call from someone I love and care for deeply. I suppose most people would compare it to getting a call from their mother or their lover." A smile played at me lips over the last word, thinking of Jasper. He continued staring straight ahead, mulling over my words. "But you hadn't talked to them in a while. Years maybe," I mumbled, voice cracking. My heart broke at the thought of missing Jasper for even one moment, let alone multiple years. He turned to study my face, concern etched in his forehead. "And you see the call and want to answer it. You want that more than anything. You ache to hear the voice that's within your grasp." He reached out and gently placed his fingertips on my cheek, tracing tears that would never come._

But I had promised Edward. I had promised Carlisle. I _would_ give Bella her space to be human. To make human decisions and human mistakes.

"Miss, can I help you find something?"

I managed to shove the images away before I could see no further than Bella and Mike Newton high-fiving. I opened my eyes to a tall woman with spiked pink hair standing before me. "Umm, no. That's okay. Thanks though."

I watched her walk away while grieving the lost vision. Rosalie caught my gaze and started towards me.

"Everything okay?" She spoke softly, aware of the attention she attracted in all public places.

"No," I grumbled, itching to take my foul mood out on someone.

She pressed on, ignoring my tone. "Did you see something about Edward? The other guys?"

"No," I snapped.

"Was it something about me?" She asked, eyes widening. She was always so self-absorbed.

"Just drop it, Rose." I turned away from her and joined the cue in the check-out line.

She followed me and silently added her stuff to the counter when I stepped forward to pay.

She didn't bring it up again as we went to find the guys.

"Yeah!" we exchanged shocked glances when Emmett's shout echoed towards us. We both increased our pace, nervous about the guys attracting attention. We had left them alone for too long.

As we rounded the corner we were met by a small group of teenage boys cheering on a very focused Emmett and Jasper who were playing one of the shop's demo games in the store's entryway.

"Watch out! He's right behind you!" yelled one of the boys with thick glasses and a nasally voice.

"AH, how'd you see that?" bellowed another.

"Okay boys. Show's over." Rosalie's declaration demanded attention. The boys all turned and gaped at her. I caught Emmett's pout and laughed knowing he knew better than to ignore Rose.

As the boys dispersed – most of them reentering the store – Jasper floated over to me and slid his hand into mine. I leaned against him, comforted by his presence.

"Alice saw something earlier, but she won't share." My head snapped up, furious. Rose had some freaking nerve.

Jasper, sensing a scene, quickly sent me a surge of peace and serenity. I turned away from my deranged sister and smiled sheepishly at my husband. Others in our family sometimes got annoyed at him for interrupting arguments by manipulating emotions, but it was one of the reasons I loved him so deeply. He cared so much about everyone and just had our best intentions at heart.

He slowly circled his thumb along the back of my hand and asked gently, "Is everything okay?" echoing my earlier conversation with Rosalie.

"The family is fine," I answered noncommittally, unwilling to mention Bella's name.

Jasper looked unconvinced. "It was Bella, wasn't it?"

Sometimes I wondered if Jasper also could read minds. That's just what this family needed, another mind reader.

I looked away from his prying eyes, glancing at a nearby window, "It's getting late. Are you all ready to go home?" _Home_. It wasn't the right word. Alaska wasn't home.

"We got our game and I destroyed Jasper. All in all, a successful day." Emmett smirked at Jasper.

"Another minute and you would have been dead!" Jasper countered.

I rolled my eyes and hooked my arm around Rose's elbow. All was forgiven as we sauntered ahead of them, knowing they were just getting warmed up.

* * *

Stores were closing all around us. We'd stayed much later than we had originally intended. By the time we were back in the car, it was well past 9:00 pm.

Once Anchorage was well behind us, we pulled over to hunt. There was no reason to deplete the resources near the house where so many of us lived when we were already in a removed location.

We wordlessly coupled off, having already agreed to meet back at the car in the next few hours. I let the hunt consume me and pushed all other thoughts from my mind.

* * *

Rosalie and Emmett were already in their seats in the front of the car when Jasper and I slid into the back to join them.

"Getting in some one-on-one time?" Emmett teased, looking suggestively between Jasper and me.

Jasper didn't miss a beat, "Actually, we were worried about coming back to your naked ass pressed against the window, so we gave you some extra time."

"At least my ass is finely sculpted. Yours is just pasty, skin and bone."

They continued comparing asses as Rose pulled out onto the unlit pavement. I was happy she was driving. I laid my head against Jasper's shoulder and shut my eyes.

* * *

Out of nowhere, I felt like I had collided with a truck. All the oxygen shot out of me. I doubled over in agony, my head pounding, a deafening ringing clouding my other senses. I knew I didn't need to breathe but my body gasped desperately for air. Somewhere far away I was aware of Jasper calling my name.

 _Bella stood staring at herself in the mirror. The look in her eyes was eerie. There was nothing there. Nothing. She opened the medicine cabinet and after brief inspection pulled out a bottle and one of Charlie's razor blades. She closed the cabinet and stood staring at herself again for another few seconds until her jaw set in determination. She popped open the bottle, turned the entire contents into her mouth, and washed it all down with water from the sink. She let the empty bottle fall to the floor. She followed its journey as it rolled around, only stopping once it hit the wall. Her gaze slowly moved to the blade in her right hand. She had been squeezing it and a few drops of blood dripped to the tile by her feet. She turned her back to the sink and used the edge of the tub to lower herself to the floor. Once there, she looked straight up at the ceiling, took a deep breath and brought the razor down to her left wrist. She quickly slid the razor across each of her wrists in turn and shut her eyes. Before she slumped over, a single tear glistened down her face._

"Ahhhhh," I finally emerged, my body shaking and heaving, confused by the human-like stress it was experiencing.

"Alice. Alice. Alice. I'm here. Alice." Jasper was holding my head between his hands, messaging my temples. "Alice, come back to me."

"Bella." I managed to get out.

"What happened?" Jasper asked.

"I need a phone." I was still confused. What time was it? Did this just happen? Did we have time?

No one moved, so I repeated louder, "Phon–"

Jasper had one in my hand before I could finish. I dialed the number from memory. _Pick up pick up pick up_ , I thought anxiously.

"Hello?"

"Charlie, please, I need to speak to Bella. It's urgent."

I heard shouting on the other side. Another man?

"Sorry, what? I can't hear you. Hold on." Charlie responded.

I heard more shouting. Hopefully that meant someone found her already. I had to be sure though. "Please, I need to speak with Bella immediately," I repeated, aware of the six eyes glued to my face.

"Shut up!" If I had human ears, my eardrum would have blown. I didn't have human ears though and the silence that followed allowed me to finally hear "call an ambulance."

So stupid. Why didn't I think of that first? So stupid. I hung up and dialed 911. Thankfully I was put through to the dispatcher quickly. I spoke clearly to the operator and hung up before they could ask for my information. All our phones were blocked so I wasn't worried about them calling back.

"Alice?" Rosalie started, but I raised my hand to silence her.

"You are taking me to the airport. Now."


	17. Chapter 17

**APOV** :

After I explained my vision to Jasper, Emmett, and Rose, I quickly shut my eyes to see how Bella was doing.

"Did I ignore her for too long?" I opened my eyes to stare exasperatingly at Jasper, willing him to answer _yes_ to validate what I subconsciously knew to be an incredibly remote possibility.

When I realized he wasn't going to respond, I whined out frustratingly, "I just don't understand, there's nothing." I shut my eyes again and rubbed my head willing the visions to come. "How is there _nothing_? I can't even see the ambulance arriving at her house. But they assured me someone was on their way." I went back to repeating the mantra that was circling around and around in the empty haze of my mind: _not dead, not dead, not dead_.

"She's not," I took a deep breath, willing the word to be spoken out loud "…dead. She can't be… dead." I opened my eyes, hoping the others would be nodding in agreement. Instead I was met with Rosalie's cynical gaze from the rearview mirror. "Don't look at me like that. She's not!"

"Shh. It's okay Alice." Jasper hummed next to me rubbing my knee and sending powerful waves of calm through the direct contact with my body.

"It's not! It's not okay Jazz!" I pushed his hand away, not wanting to be comforted. The knowledge that Bella's actions were partially my fault ate away at me. I didn't deserve peace. I should be torn apart for this.

I saw his hurt expression from the corner of my eye. He must blame himself, too. I grabbed his hand that was still hovering just above my leg, not wanting him to blame himself for consequences that belonged to me, and me, alone. Well, and Edward.

"Alice," Jasper started cautiously, "do you think it's a good idea for you to go to Forks?" He spoke meticulously, tasting the air for any changes in my mood.

I took another deep breath before answering – it's truly amazing how much breathing helps control emotions, even when you're _undead_. "How could I _not_ go, Jazz?" I was still massaging my head. I shut my eyes again, hoping the darkness would open the door to my other sight.

"Well, we _did_ promise Edward we'd stay out of it. And if she's," I felt him staring at me, knew he could feel my mood shift from terror and anxiety to shocked and barely controlled rage, "dead…" he managed to choke out, wincing slightly at my building anger, "would it be the worst thing in the world _not_ to verify?"

My eyes flew open. "IS THIS HOW YOU ALL FEEL?" I roared.

Emmett glanced at Rose and deliberately turned away from me to look out his window. Rose angled the car to pull it over to an unobstructed dirt shoulder.

"Don't you DARE stop this car, Rose! I swear, I will get out and run to the airport."

"Just give me one minute, Alice." She parked the car and turned to face me.

I eyed the door, but an image crossed my mind before I could leap from my seat.

 _Jasper chasing after me. Avoiding my maneuvers to dodge around him. Managing to pin me down. Pulling me back to the car._

I sighed. I could probably outmaneuver him if I really wanted to. But with Jazz, I never _really_ wanted to get away from him. I nodded at Rose, realizing we were going to have this conversation regardless of whether I left now or not. Leaving now would just waste more time, and the car was much faster than running the whole way to the airport.

At my signal, she cleared her throat. "I just think that this may very well be for the best."

"The BEST?" I snickered. "You can't be serious. Are you really that daft?"

"Please, let me finish." She waited to see if I was truly done before starting again. "What I mean is that at least this way Edward may come back to live with us. We can get back to some normalcy. There would no longer be any need to hunt Victoria. We'll finally have our family back."

"Do you HONESTLY believe he isn't with us right now for the singular reason that he's hunting _Victoria_." My words dripped venomously. I weighed her use of the word _family_ on my tongue. Our family wasn't complete without Bella. Somewhere deep _deep_ _deep_ inside Rose, she understood that.

"Well, why else wouldn't he be with us?" Her eyes widened innocently.

"Wow. You really are a dumb blonde." I spat.

Emmett turned around to face me, flexing his arms. "That's enough, Alice." He said, menacingly.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. I wasn't afraid of him.

Jasper sent another surge of calm through the car, sensing a fight. He may not agree with my choices, but if it came down to it, he'd protect me from anyone and anything, even our own family.

"If Alice wants to interfere, that's her choice," he said simply, but he was staring at Emmett, silently imploring him to back down.

Rose reached out to pat Emmett on the cheek. He looked at her to ensure she was okay. Sighing he returned to his statuesque position, face turned towards his window.

"Fine," mumbled Rose, starting up the car.

No one spoke as we continued our drive through the empty streets and dirt roads of Alaska. I resumed my attempts to see _anything_ in Bella's future.

Persistent emptiness was all that greeted me.

 _Not dead. Not dead. Not dead._


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N** : Thank you to all who are still here with me, and, welcome to those who have recently joined. I can't thank you all enough for the support (favoriting, following, and reviewing) you have given me on my first fanfiction journey. As I've said before, I'm committed to finishing this story, even though it's taking me longer than I expected.

* * *

 **APOV** :

It was still dark when the car pulled up to the departure curb at the airport. I jumped out of the car, dragging Jasper with me.

"There isn't anything I can say to change your mind, is there?" Jasper whispered, refusing to meet my eyes.

"I have to do this." I responded, reaching up to place the palm of my hand on his perfect cheek. "I wish you'd come with me." I knew I couldn't convince him, but I couldn't help trying once more.

"I've done enough to hurt Edward. The least I can do is obey his commands."

Commands. Once again, I was reminded of my husband's past. "I understand, of course."

As I turned to leave, he pulled me back into his arms. My stomach twisted with love and sadness as he kissed me with a fierceness that echoed the urgency of the situation.

I couldn't say goodbye, so instead I silently turned and let my body carry me through the automatic doors.

Once on the plane, my mind shifted between searching for Bella's future and trying to decide upon my next course of action: house or hospital. When the plane landed, I still had yet to decide.

I stole the fastest car I could find; one step closer to a truth I wasn't sure I was ready for.

I pulled up in front of the Swan residence in record time, secretly proud of myself for beating all my past speeds. That pride vanished quickly, however, for as soon as I stepped into the misty early morning, I smelled the blood.

The front door was ajar. Mud, leaves, and water had either been tracked inside or blown in from the open door. I shut it behind me and paused to listen for any signs of life. All was silent.

I had been here before by myself, but something felt different now.

The smell of blood, Bella's blood, was much stronger in here. Not quite ready for what I was sure was waiting for me, I glanced around the house.

The living room appeared unchanged. Absentmindedly, I dragged my fingers across the coffee table and was met with a thick layer of dust. Troubled, I inspected my surroundings more closely. It seemed that no one had used this room for quite some time. As I was turning to leave, I noticed a silver box in the corner. A mini fridge? I went over to open it, but a tiny lock dangled from the side.

In the kitchen was another lock, hanging from one of the top cabinets. I opened the fridge, unsure of what I should expect. It was filled with takeout boxes. When I shut the door, the smell of rotten food lingered around me and mixed nauseatingly with the smell of blood that clung to the stagnant air in the house. I shook my head, trying to make sense of everything.

As I walked slowly up the stairs, I encountered the first bit of blood. The higher I climbed, the more I discovered. It was drying on the floorboards and seeping below the wood. This house would forever be marked with the violence that had been unleashed within.

The bathroom door had been broken off its hinges, the doorknob lay in a dark corner, bent almost beyond recognition. Who could have done that? I wondered. Still avoiding the bathroom, I leaned over and picked up the deformed metal. Very slowly I raised it to my nose and inhaled.

"Gah." My nostrils filled with what could only be described as 'wet dog.' The list of questions grew ever larger. I dropped the offending object and sighed. It was time.

Blood was everywhere: it had seeped into every corner, it was dripping down the side of the bathtub, it had stained almost everything in the tiny room.

Time stood still. When my brain finally started working again, all I wanted was to get out of this room, this house, this town.

Within seconds, I was back in the car, racing towards the hospital. Once inside, I tried to pinpoint her smell, but there was too much blood here, too many sounds, too much confusion. On top of everything, my sight still wasn't working where Bella, or even Charlie, was concerned. I was blind in more ways than one.

I recognized the nurse behind the reception desk; fortune was finally on my side. "Anita," I sighed out. "It's so good to see you." I meant it.

"Alice?" said the dark-haired nurse, looking up from the computer, confused.

Before she could ask any questions, I held up my hand. "Anita, I'm so sorry, but I'm in a hurry. I'm looking for Bella Swan."

"Ah, Alice. You know I can't release patient information."

So, she was a patient? She was alive.

"Please, Anita. Please."

She stared at me for a few seconds. I rocked anxiously on my feet, refusing to break eye contact.

"Would you look at that?" She grabbed her mug and finished the brown liquid within in one quick sip. "I'm out of coffee. I'll just go over here and refill it." She glanced at me pointedly.

I would have laughed at the obviousness of her actions if it were any other day. Today, however, was not a day for humor.

I didn't waste any time. I leaned over the counter, typed in 'Bella Swan' on the search window that was already open, and found her room number. I was running down the hall before Anita had even tipped the liquid in the pot.

I paused at the door before pushing it open; unsure if I was ready, but unwilling to alter course now. I nudged the door open and stepped inside.

* * *

Charlie looked up, alarmed. "Alice?"

I, however, had no time to acknowledge him because there stood the source of the wet dog smell on the doorknob in the Swan house. A tall, bronze-colored man – boy? – was standing feet from me, shaking from head to foot. He glanced fearfully to his left, and I followed his gaze. Bella.

I moved to her side quickly, but burning hands grabbed me, halting my path.

"Get your dirty hands off me." I snapped.

"You stay away from her!" I could hear the anxiety in his voice. He knew what I was.

"How dare you –"

"Enough!" We both turned towards the shout. Charlie was standing, fists balled, and ready to intervene. "Jake, this is Alice Cullen. She's Bella's friend. Let her through."

 _As if introducing us would help,_ I thought, darkly.

Jake looked from Charlie to me, and then back to Charlie. "I don't think that's a good idea, Charlie." He sounded dejected though, and I sensed an easy win.

"Jake. Back off." Charlie took a step forward, unaware of the danger the two creatures before him posed.

"Fine." The boy gave up quicker than I would have. Pathetic.

He had barely removed his hands from my arms before I was touching Bella's eyes, nose, lips, hair. Alive. She was alive.


	19. Chapter 19

**APOV** :

As I took in every inch of Bella, I noticed severe changes. I took a deep breath. I needed to stay calm, unemotional, removed. If I became too upset, I knew I could never assess Bella's condition properly. Human doctors were good, sure. But vampire eyes and senses, even those rusty in medicine, were so much better.

I started with her face. Her deep brown hair had thinned and dulled. The healthy sheen and floral smell were distant memories. Her skin had always been pale but was now closer to a deathly pallor. Her cheeks, usually pink and rosy would have been unrecognizable features that blended in with the rest of her face if not for her bones jutting out awkwardly, revealing significant weight loss.

I froze and scanned her up and down quickly. It was so obvious. How was it not the first thing my brain processed upon entering the room? Bella was skin and bones. I gently picked up her wrist and wrapped my tiny hand completely around it. Not good.

Anxiety shot through me. I was losing the battle with my emotions. How spoiled was I with Jasper? It was so easy to rely upon him to balance out these pesky human feelings. I wished, not for the first time today, that Jasper was with me.

I lowered Bella's hand back to the bed, careful not to jostle anything.

Before I could dwell on anything further, I moved on to her injuries; I documented these quickly, sensing fast-approaching panic. Both wrists were tightly bandaged. Upper right arm was also tightly bandaged. Not too tight? I remembered hearing a story once about a doctor bandaging a wound too tightly, requiring an amputation. Whether that was from decades ago — a story from Jazz during his Civil War days — or from a couple years ago, I couldn't be sure. Not wanting to risk it, I triple checked everything.

I leaned in closer, ignoring the sharp intake of breath from the boy behind me. Each arm had roughly sixteen small crescent-shaped cuts scattered randomly with an unknown amount concealed by the bandages. Other scars were visible on her hands, though these were almost healed.

I couldn't fully examine her with both her dad and the strange-smelling boy in the room with me, but I knew there was more. It was probably for the best that I was forced to stop.

I straightened up slowly and turned to face Charlie. "What happened?" I spoke calmly, but my eyes betrayed me. I knew I looked crazed.

"That is a very good question." Charlie said, rounding on the boy. "Why don't we start with, 'what were you doing at my house in the middle of the night?'"

I reached up subconsciously and began combing my fingers through Bella's hair. Dried blood chipped off on each stroke. Needing to focus elsewhere, I turned to study the boy's expression as he, I was sure, prepared himself to lie.

"I was walking home when I ran into some friends from the reservation," he began. "They were drunk, so I asked them who was stupid enough to serve them liquor. They told me there was some party, not too far away, and that Bella was there," his eyebrows furrowed. "See, they know I have a… crush… on her," he looked up quickly and made eye contact with me. I suppressed a grimace.

"They told me she was pretty drunk, and they weren't sure she could make it home on her own. I decided to go make sure she was okay," he shrugged.

"Then when I couldn't find her, I decided to check your house," he trailed off and stared straight at the floor, gracelessly finishing his story.

I rolled my eyes, no way Charlie bought that. So many details were missing, including the glaring problem of his transportation. I idly wondered how he had managed to cover so much distance in such a short period of time. Another chunk of dried blood ricocheted to the floor.

Incredulously, Charlie nodded his head, "Well, that's all well and good. But it doesn't explain why you crashed through my front door and busted down my bathroom door."

Well, at least he had stumbled upon one problem with the boy's tale.

"Oh, right… that." Jacob carefully constructed his face into innocence before looking up to continue. "Well I was worried she could have alcohol poisoning or something. My friends told me she was pretty messed up."

Wow, never did I think I would meet a more horrible liar than Bella. I glanced at Charlie to make sure the kid was in the clear. Big mistake. Charlie's eyes locked on mine. It was my turn for the interrogation.

"So, how'd you know where to find us?" he snapped.

"I called, remember?" I made my eyes round, falling easily into the lie. "Bella left a drunk message on my phone. I called to make sure she was okay. When I heard screaming on the other side, I decided to call an ambulance in case my worst fears were realized."

" _Everyone's_ innocent," Charlie grumbled sarcastically.

"But, Charlie, how did it get to this?" I asked softly, hoping to distract him from further questions, but also dying to know what pushed my friend to these horrible lengths.

Charlie's body slumped back into the chair, all fight leaving him. "I've felt completely helpless," he began, slowly. "That first week after, well, you know…" I nodded. "She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."

"She got better when she was with me," interrupted the boy. I glared, silencing him.

"No, Alice, he's right. She _did_ get better when she was with Jake," he looked at him approvingly.

"Then it's good she has you," I offered, smiling slightly at the boy.

Charlie sighed out a big gust of air, folding quickly to the lack of opposition. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know," his eyes darkened, "even when she was with you, Jake, she was never quite right. And then when you stopped coming around, stopped returning her calls–" Charlie trailed off.

My head snapped up. He abandoned Bella in this state? My family may have triggered these events, but we _never_ would have left her in a state even closely resembling Charlie's description. I stifled my new questions, promising myself I would get answers soon.

"It got worse?" I prompted Charlie, forcing myself to focus.

"Well since your family left, she's been empty. Her eyes are blank. There's lots of little things – she won't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She doesn't read; she won't be in the same room when the TV is on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out—she's been avoiding everything that might remind her of... him.

"But yes, it got worse," he shuddered, willing himself to continue. It was hard listening to this, knowing how much pain I had caused him.

"She started drinking… alcohol. At home. At school. I didn't know how to handle that; she's never acted out like this before. I'm a cop, and she was breaking laws right under my roof, breaking them in public.

"I thought maybe it was a cry for attention. But she hid it so well. She didn't _want_ people to find out."

"I'm so sorry," I said, voice glum. I silently kicked myself for not intervening when I had the first vision of her drinking.

Charlie continued as though he hadn't heard me, "She's wasting away before my eyes. I try to force her to eat. The school says she's been buying lunch every day. But… I mean… look at her!" he gestured wildly towards Bella's unconscious form. "She's a bag of bones with some skin slapped on!" he buried his face in his hands.

After a few deep breaths, he looked up and continued, "we've hardly talked these last few months; I've been so worried about saying something that would upset her—the littlest things make her flinch—and she never volunteers anything. She just answers if I ask her something." He glanced at Bella, face lined with concern. I noticed then how much older he looked compared to the last time I'd seen him.

Charlie went on in a hopeless tone. "She's been so alone… all the time. She never called any of her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling.

"I've been so stupid. I should've seen this coming. I should've forced her to leave this stupid town. But never in a million years would I have thought she'd pull something like this. I'm starting to realize that it's not in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."

"She's one of a kind," I agreed in a dry voice.

He nodded a few times before letting his gaze settle on the IV bag. The fluid dripped rhythmically, filling the silence with a poignant reminder of the consequence of all our negligible actions.

"Why are you both here?" he finally asked. Both the boy and I looked up alarmed, ready to defend our stories. Charlie held up both hands, "not the physical _reasons_ you're here. I want to know why you both _care_. Both of you walked away from her, and, yet, when she's… when she's in a…, you're both suddenly by her side. I can't make any sense of it."

I opened my mouth to respond. Then shut it tight, realizing I had no sane excuse for my actions. I barely had an insane excuse for them. I glanced at the boy and he seemed to be struggling with the same dilemma.

Charlie looked back and forth between us. He sighed, "I can't lie, I don't have much of an explanation for my behavior either. We've all created quite a mess."

I got distracted then by my phone ringing. Why hadn't I seenwho was calling? I pulled it from my pocket and looked briefly at the caller ID before answering.

"Jazz," I said gently as I exited the room for some privacy. It hurt distancing myself from Bella, but I needed to speak with my husband.

"Are you okay?" It warmed me to know his concern for my safety endured even when I was going against both his and our brother's wishes.

"Yes, but, Jazz, Bella's –"

"She's not!"

"No, Jazz. She's alive… for now."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I _think_ we need to involve Carlisle." I said my father's name and suddenly realized he was the reason behind my careful documentation of Bella's condition. "Please, you have to find him and get him here as soon as possible."

"Alice, I really don't —"

"I need you to do this for me. I promise I will take full responsibility for our involvement. But I honestly think _he'll_ be angrier if we don't get involved."

The line was quiet for a moment, "alright, Alice. I trust you." I felt my body relax slightly.

"And Jazz…?"

"Yes, love?"

"Please come, too. I need you. _Bella_ … needs you."

"I'll see what I can do." The line disconnected abruptly, but I knew I'd be seeing him soon.


End file.
